Game 2: Prolonged Pregame

ATTENTION! ATTENTION!

Eric Byrnes has just announced that he has manlove for Derek Jeter.

Eric Byrnes. Derek Jeter. Manlove. His word, not mine.

Vernon Wells, refusing to throw himself into the madness, used the word ‘respect’ to describe his feelings towards Everyone’s Favorite Shortstop (Except for Filthy Satanists Who Hate America and Fun).

We’re in a rain delay, in case you didn’t know, and I’ve been watching bits of the Painfully Prolonged Pregame Show, otherwise known as the Derek Jeter LoveLove Show. Seriously you guys, did you know that Derek Jeter has been in the postseason, like, so many times?? OMG I HAD NO IDEA. Also dude he hits so well in October, it’s like he actually is October, like his head is in reality a carved pumpkin and his hands are skillfully grown gourds and his uniform is stuffed with straw and fall leaves.

And he’s so great with his teammates and he’s so great with the fans and he’s a great human being and the best baseball player to ever play baseball and also he’s a Yankee which is America’s team because America is basically New York with some other crummy business tacked on and he’s a Real Man of Genius and his lady conquests are many and he is the embodiment of perfection in the modern male form and Derek Jeter Derek Jeter Derek Jeter.

OMG IF I WUZ A MAN I WUD TOTALLY MANLUV HIM.

They also used the word “aura” when describing him. I am not making that bit up.

DID U GUYZ NO THAT DEREK JETER WENT 5-5 YESTRDAY???! OMG LOLLERSKATEZ ITZ SO TROO! I edit: Jon Miller honestly just said, “We haven’t seen any action here yet, so let’s look at Jeter’s 5 hits from last night.”

You can’t even make this stuff up. You just can’t. It’s too much to be fake.

edit 2: Ugh, game’s been postponed until 1 pm tomorrow (Thursday), on ESPN. Now the Great Schedule Juggle begins… let’s see if I can swing this one.

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5 responses to “Game 2: Prolonged Pregame

  1. Tiff, welcome out of the dark! And Derek Jeter isn’t human, he’s SUPERHUMAN. He’s human PLUS. He’s like every good attibute of humanity rolled into one perfect uberhuman package. DUH.
    OM, I’m also a Red Sox fan (raised in Boston by a baseball-indifferent mother and a diehard Tiger father), so trust me, this is a pain I know all too well.

  2. Thank you – I love this. I’m a silent viewer of your awesome website, but this. THIS! It was too much last night. Painful, even in HD, which usually makes the unbearable nice.
    Did you know Derek Jeter has a halo? He’s not even completely human really… he’s otherworldly.
    Ugh.

  3. Trying rooting for a team in the same division as ‘the golden child’ sometime. It’s a full season of this crap!
    Jeter Jeter Jeter…blah blah blah. You’d think he was the second coming of Jesus sometimes. It gets old by the second week in April.
    I do have to give Jeter credit though. He’s shown major improvement over his career. He got 5 hits off you guys the other night and didn’t need any middle school brats in the outfield helping him on any of them! That’s a big step for him, like the training wheels got taken off.
    Oh well…with any luck his whole career peaked on Tuesday night and it’ll all be downhill from here.
    Go Tigers!

  4. What sticks in my craw is that Jeter is first ballot hall of fame and Alan Trammel can’t get any respect from the voters.

  5. Oh Sam…you know I think you’re brilliant. But for serious, I want to hug you until you die. And I am not, by nature, a hugger.
    I promise I mean that in the least creepy way possible.

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