Jeremy Bonderman WHAT HAVE YOU DONE


photo by Roger DeWitt/hueytaxi

Paws almighty, TELL ME THAT MY EYES DO DECEIVE ME and this is not what it appears to be, which would be Jeremy Bonderman’s fish-white body covered in a veritable spray of tattoos.

ALAS, as additional photographic evidence from the incomparably Spring-Training-vigilant Mr. DeWitt/hueytaxi proves, this is no mere trick of the eye, but is TERRIFYING FACT. It looks like Bondo has some sort of unfinished Chinese dragon tattoo on his right leg (no doubt deeply meaningful to him), and the names of his children, all huge and Inge-oversized, on his left arm. The names come with a set of angel wings, which to be quite honest make it look like a memorial tatt– disturbing, as both his children are still very much alive. At least he didn’t take a needle to his throwing arm?

The ‘font’ used for the names is very, well. Um. It’s pretty horrific, actually. I would not have thought it was possible for a giant-names-on-forearm font to make what happened with Brandon Inge look GOOD in comparison, but there you have it. Maybe this, like the dragon, is an unfinished piece of work? We can only hope.

I also have to point out that the right-leg-left-arm combo kind of makes him look like a court jester. You know what I mean.

Like that.

All that said, if he goes on to have a spectacular 2010, I will happily jump on board Team Pictionary Bondo. You get that barbed wire armband, Bondo, and those vague tribal markings too. Maybe a couple of swallows, some nautical stars, Paws with butterfly wings as a tramp stamp. You’re a special and unique snowflake, Bondo! Don’t let us forget it!

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18 responses to “Jeremy Bonderman WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

  1. Oh Bondo.
    In all seriousness though I’m calling it right now that the AL comeback player of the year will be on the Tigers, I mean there are enough options:
    Bondo
    Robertson
    D-Train
    Galarraga
    Magglio
    Guillen

    I’m thinking Bondo or D-Train

  2. David O. (13194013)

    If Bonderman returns to form, oh my goodness. We’d have 4 starting pitchers! I’d feint.

  3. I just… just… (speechless).

  4. this is just… AMAZING! the amonut of ink on our infield, especially on the days bondo pitches, is only rivaled by prison teams and even that is in question if Gerald goes to get a prison tat for his bullish behavior… Anyone know if Sizemore (not from the racist logos) has any ink? Or a good nickname for him? Polly is tough to replace

  5. The jester pic is chock full o’ WIN!

  6. My eyes! My eyes! Will somebody please tell the members of our team to STOP DOING THAT! Every time bad ink is applied on the forearm of a ballplayer, somewhere in the world a kitten dies.

  7. I blame Joel Zumaya, who started this “tattoos on the arms” fad. Followed by Cabrera, then Inge, and now Bonderman.

    It’s an interesting benchmark, showing the limits of my Tiger fanboyishness–I’d do a lot to show my support for the Tigers, but tattooing my lower arms is right about where I’d draw the line

  8. Those tats are NOT gonna look good when he’s old and wrinkly. I prefer the Todd Jones method: When bored, ink up your arms/hands with a ballpoint pen. Wash it off at the end of the day, repeat as needed, lol.

  9. Don’t care if he paints hisself purple, long as he throws baseballs good. Maybe he just got tired of all the cracks about his translucent (“fish-white”) skin.

    Worse news: Twinkies sign Orlando Hudson. I thought O-Dog would’ve been a good fit here: Sizemore insurance + proven lead-off hitter. After falling off in LA last year he’s got something to prove –just the kind of project Leyland loves. Now he’s in our own division? Ugh.

  10. More horror out of spring training via Mowtown Sports:

    Justin Verlander: Goatee-less! What about his mojo??
    http://tinyurl.com/yhrnkdk

    Joel Zumaya: He’s a lumberjack and he’s not okay.
    http://tinyurl.com/y9j86xe

    At least Avila’s perma-stubble is firmly in place.

  11. Goodness, Bondo’s tattoos are something else! They remind me of Inge’s tattoos, as well.

  12. that zumaya beard is awesome.

  13. Tim, if Dontrelle makes a comeback I will be the happiest cat in New England, fact.

    David O, I KNOW RIGHT?? Four pitchers?!?!? I barely know what to do with that possibility!! ~an abundance of riches~

    kb, iirc Sizemore doesn’t have any visible tattoos, but of course that doesn’t mean much. And all the nicknames I keep thinking of for him are not appropriate for kitten-friendly internets…

    heitk1le, noooo, I don’t want the Tigers to have been responsible for so much kitten meanness. :(

    rea, and I wish Zoom had stopped with just the flames. The flames were, like, A Thing. Now he’s just like every other dude workin’ on a sleeve.

    Colt, at first I thought they WERE just drawn on when all I saw were the arm scrawls, but then I saw the thing on his leg and realized oh no, they were horribly real.

    pocoloco, I kind of wanted Hudson just so I could call him Florida NewYork all the time.

    Siani, the Zoom-beard is pretty much what I expect from him, but Justin NEEDS to bring the goatee back. It is REQUIRED.

  14. Hehehe… “Florida – New York” — kinda like me. I like it.

  15. I have seen some people with very nicely done and attractive tattoos, so I know there are proper artists out there – but why oh why does someone with as much money as a professional ballplayer seem to find some of the crappiest “artists” around?

    If you are going to decorate your body with something that will be permanent (or until you decide it looks hideous and lame and pay twice as much to get it removed) then why not get someone competent as an artist?

    Bleargh.

  16. Those spring training photos of Zumaya, though, are amazing apart from the beard–he looks like he’s lost 40 lbs. or so . . .

  17. Baroque, it is indeed a mystery… there are some AMAZING tattoo artists out there, and usually if people can’t get them it’s because they can’t afford it… wouldn’t think that’s a problem for a pro ballplayer, but somehow they manage to bollocks it up.

    Then again, if the ballplayer is the one dictating the fonts, size, placement, design, etc, there may not be much even the best artist can do.

    rea, I know, right? It’s almost creepy… we’ll have to see how (if) he holds up.

  18. Jeremy, I am disappointed in your way-too-showy (to put it mildly) “artwork”.

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