Brad Penny in the daylight


illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Brad Penny has made 18 starts so far this season. Of those, 11 were day games. Sixty-one percent of his starts have been day games! This seemed like way more than anyone else in the rotation, which was curious enough to drive me to the incredibly boring numbers.

Five of Justin Verlander’s 19 starts (26%) have been day games. Eight of Rick Porcello’s 16 starts (50%) have been day games. Six of Max Scherzer’s 18 starts (33%) have been day games. Penny is blowing them all out of the water. FredFred is the only one who’s even close.

What does this mean? It could just be a quirk of the 5-man rotation schedule… or it could be a plot to keep Brad Penny in direct sunlight at all times. Is it a sinister plot, with someone in the front office intent on testing the skin-cancer-repelling abilities of Brad Penny’s hide? Or is it a benevolent plot, as Brad Penny is secretly half-plant and the front office is simply trying to let him photosynthesize during games as often as possible?

I eagerly await answers.

In any event. Have you VOTED VICTOR yet? You still have time! Voting continues until 4pm eastern on Thursday.

And you really should vote, because HOLY CATS HAVE YOU SEEN THIS VIDEO OF LITTLE VICTOR ASKING EVERYONE TO VOTE FOR HIS DAD?

Because they understand what is important in All Star Game voting races and in life, the Tigers had Little Victor hold a press conference (!) with Paws (!!) before the game today, asking everyone to vote for Big Victor. Little Victor really wants to go to that All Star Game. He wants to hang out with his friend David Ortiz. Don’t you want to make Little Victor happy? You do. Trust me, you do.

Vote Victor and put a smile on the face of the best kid in Major League Baseball.

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6 responses to “Brad Penny in the daylight

  1. When I heard about little Victor’s press conference, literally the first thing I pictured was your cartoon self going, “SQUEEEE!” with hearts dancing above your head.

  2. The headshot of Big Victor in the silver frame on the press conference podium just kills me.

  3. Ohhhh Little Victor!!!! So … much … cute!!!

  4. I’m sorry Little Victor. We didn’t do enough!!! And now one more Wrong Sox is heading to the All-Star game. (Although, I always wonder, when referring to a single player, if I should call him a Wrong Sock.)

  5. Penny pitches in day games so people with jobs don’t have to watch him pitch. :-) To be fair though, he hasn’t been that bad, about as good as could be expected.

  6. Brad Penny really needs more sun I mean his job means being outside and since he only gets day games he sould be as dark as his beard which is freaking me out. :s

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