the Wrong Sox are mean to kittens, plus a hot foot


illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

I know this is not a surprise to any of you, because we are all well aware of the fact that every time the Wrong Sox win, it results in cruelty to kittens. But this sad truth was even more evident in Monday night’s game, as the Wrong Sox were mean to Duane Below and Chance Ruffin specifically, and these are two of our most kittenish Tiger cubs right now.

SHAME. Shame on you, Chicago. It takes a truly heartless beast of a team to be so mean to fluffy baby Tigers.

It was Chance Ruffin’s big league debut. Obviously this was not the way he would have liked to come into the majors (he came in with the bases loaded and ended up letting two of those runs score, plus two of his own). But it was just one outing, against a rude team that had the taste of blood in its mouth already, so hopefully he will not let it get to him too much.

Jim Leyland’s response, when asked about the roughness of Ruffin’s first appearance? “Well, yeah, so what?”

I assume everyone has heard about and seen the hot foot from Sunday’s game by now. The video is really good enough on its own, but I thought it deserved a TC just for posterity.

Don Kelly was the victim. He is an innocent, trusting soul and was oblivious for a while, letting the flames reach an impressive size before he noticed them, or had his attention brought to them. His teammates, because they are all 10 year old boys, were in hysterics.

Justin Verlander was the likely perpetrator. Kelly first accused him because Verlander was carrying a cup of water around almost as if he knew it might be needed to avoid some sort of flame-related problem. During a FSD broadcast the next day, Verlander refused to confirm or deny his involvement, until Kelly caught him out by praising the quality of the hot foot he had been given, asking Verlander if it was his first one.

No,” Justin said, almost immediately realizing that by bragging of his hot-footing credentials he had totally incriminated himself. On camera. GUILTY. It was pretty obvious he was guilty even before that, though, because Justin Verlander may be very very good at throwing a baseball, but he is absolutely terrible at pulling a poker face.

And here’s Brent Morel for no reason at all.

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17 responses to “the Wrong Sox are mean to kittens, plus a hot foot

  1. That Brent Morel is terrifying.

  2. Chance Ruffin… Chance… chance Ruffin. My god. I can see forever.

  3. are they only drafting pitchers for the sake of having horribly wonderful puns to make on their names? Below Ruffin.

    The hot foot was pure hilarity – would’ve loved to have seen JV accidentally admit to the prank.

  4. I still think Chance Ruffin could be one of the all-time great baseball names.

  5. But what’s really disturbing is we’re looking into a guy named Doug Fister. Don’t want that image. Do. Not. Want.

  6. Angelic Verlander face warms my little heart.

  7. How are you so awesome? There is nothing about this blog that is not pure awesome. Truth.

  8. I feel sad for Kelly I mean he’s really a Vetran and that’s what should’ve happened to Chance Ruffin by Papa Grande or maybe Below in between innings. but still hilarious.

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