Handle with caution.


illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Good:

–Quintin Berry hitting a walkoff single for the win.

–A variety of scraptastic Tigers small-ballin’ it up to get into position for a Quintin Berry single to win the game.

–Taking two of three from the Cardinals, and hitting the road after winning four out of six games in Detroit.

–Prince Fielder’s big blast.

–An effective bullpen. MADNESS!

Bad:
–Jacob Turner issuing five walks in five innings.

–Don Kelly barking his knee on the wall.

–Very little offensive production over the course of the game, including the usual collective refusal/inability to work walks.

Most important:

Alex Avila is back from the DL! DO NOT INJURE HIM AGAIN, BASEBALL. This statement would hold true regardless, but it’s especially vital in the face of G-Money’s crampy sore hamstrings and the excision of Bryan Holaday. Just… just keep him in good condition, ok? I know that he’s far from a precious delicate snowflake, but I can’t stand to see him injured, you can’t stand to see him injured, the pitchers don’t like to see him injured, Jim Leyland doesn’t like dealing with him constantly whining about getting back into the lineup when he’s injured, and so on.

I don’t care how this is done. Mummify him in caution tape and bubblewrap, put him in a small unbreakable box, hire Kyle Farnswoth to physically threaten opposing players who attempt to slide sharply into him– whatever. He is (nominally) healthy right now. Keep him that way. There are important things in the game of baseball but keeping Alex Avila and his magical fast-renewing facial hair fresh and healthy and in front of our baseball-watchin’ eyes is one of the Most Important Things. See to it, MLB.

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7 responses to “Handle with caution.

  1. Plus, if he’s on the DL eating Twinkies and watching Days of our Lives all day, he’s liable to put on some pounds. And that won’t be good on his knees either.

  2. Can MLB keep a special watchful eye on Don Kelly too?? He could use some bubble wrap !! He’s going home to Pittsburgh and we want him to shine and not have a “barky knee”.

  3. Played defense like winners. Bullpen. Lights out. Jacob, welcome to 2012. Berry. Walk off. Who doesn’t love him?

  4. Pingback: Detroit Tigers Links: Nick Castellanos Is an All-Star & Gerald Laird Is Not Heading to the DL • Detroit-Tigers.fans-talk.com

  5. I vote for the Farnsworth option, because it has the most potential for awesome.

  6. and Berry still won’t start…

  7. I wish Leyland could have taken your advice.

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