Run-on sentences on water and cats and things.


illustration by Samara Pearlstein

–The umpires chose to end last night’s game in the 6th inning with the bases loaded and two outs for the Tigers, and Franklin Morales (middle relief) pitching for the Sox. The Tigers were down by 3 so the tying run was on first and the potential leading run was at the plate. And I mean YES it was pouring and had been raining steadily all game to that point and YES the Tigers had already stranded so many runners and had thus shown no particular ability or inclination to do anything with cats already on the bases and there was no real reason to believe that Omar Infante or anybody else would change the course of that trend there in the 6th because apparently the Tigers have Problems in Boston, be those problems park factors or mental issues or what-the-cat-ever, BUT

I am still calling this one CONSPIRACY. Because, you see, it HAD really been raining all game, and you wait until the Tigers have the bases loaded but are within scoring reach and the Sox are into their bullpen and THENNNNNN you call the game?!? ACCOUNT FOR THYSELVES, FOUL CONSPIRATORS OF BASE BALL ADJUDICATION.

–Josh Beckett left the game after 2.2 innings due to “back spasms,” but it looked like he was complaining about the mound before he went, soooo… who knows. The crowd certainly was not sympathetic, and booed the coprolites out of him as he left the field. Boston has about had it with all things Josh Beckett right now.

–So I mean there I was all expecting the game to take a serious Tigers turn because Beckett was out and Clayton Mortenson is totally just some dude named Clayton Mortenson and you would think– ALL LOGICAL AND CORRECT-MINDED PEOPLE WOULD THINK– that this would be a recipe for scrumptious Tigers success. But it was not. Flavorful run pies were not baked. I have no explanation for this behavior but I know that it needs to stop. Mama cat needs to EAT, boys!

–I guess that is the end of Justin Verlander’s Always 6 Innings or More Streak, but who cares.

–The trade deadline turned out to not be a big deal for the Tigers, which is fine, except for the fact that obviously the current formulation of the team is somewhat less-than-effective and maybe a shake-up would have helped that but I mean WHATEVER. OVER IT. I was at this game with a Phillies phan so that lent a little trade deadline perspective. There is a difference both quantitative and qualitative between the struggles of the Tigers and whatever it is the Phillies have been doing this season and we should probably all remember that.

–Seriously take a moment to proffer thanks to your personal deity, to the ghost of Hank Greenberg, to Paws, or whatever. We could be Kansas City. Or Colorado. Never 4get.

–What is the problem the Tigers have in Boston though. What is that. WHAT IS IT

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8 responses to “Run-on sentences on water and cats and things.

  1. They tense up because they are worried about disappointing you?

  2. My husband and I engaged in an in depth analysis when Beckett called out the trainer about whether or not he was actually hurt. I mean, yeah, that’s mean, but we had our doubts. Every time Jose has back spasms, he looks like he wants to die. When the Boston fans started booing, we decided that even Boston fans had their doubts about “back spasms”, and that cracked us up.

    In the 4th inning, when it was still tied, I turned to my husband and said “Watch. They’re going to wait until Boston is up and the game is official, and they’re going to call it”. I’m not trying to say I can predict the future, but . . .

  3. I am in favor of the image and words in this post.

  4. WHAT IS THAT PROBLEM

    WHAT

    IS IT

    I mean I am with you is what I’m saying.

  5. Why could they not have resumed and finished the game this afternoon? Guys had other things to do? Is that sort of thing Frowned Upon these days?

  6. It was a miserable game on Tuesday, but at least we hung on to win yesterday. Great illustration!

  7. A Phillies fan in Boston?? I hope they were at least rooting Tigers for this one! And didn’t throw any batteries…

    Soggy Verlander is the saddest! Damn….

  8. Were these the same umps that we ran into during the post-season last year? They sure act like it.

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