Down with the DY Stache, Up with the JV K


illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

Stop the rampant, wanton abuse of innocent baseball fan eyeballs. End the suffering of teammates, family, friends, unwary bystanders. Help raise awareness of this terrible blight upon Detroit and all who must play against them. Think of the kittens.

Take action against this unjustifiable crime. Speak up and out! Delmon Young, you need to stop whatever it is that you’re doing with that mustache right this very instant.

In happier news, this

was a thing that happened.

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15 responses to “Down with the DY Stache, Up with the JV K

  1. charlie mcgeehan

    you made my day as usual, of course we are all thinking the same thing. cheers

  2. How is it that “Down with…” can mean “get rid of” or it can mean the complete opposite as in “Down with Detroit” or “Are you down with that?” ??? I’m so confused. But what I’m not confused about is my extreme discomfort when I see DY’s attempt at facial hair above his lip.

  3. The thing is, it’s not wispy or anything, which is what I feel we usually object to in attempted ballplayer facial hair. It’s just… bad. Not good. You are right to campaign against it.

  4. Doesn’t he have ONE concerned friend that would point this out to him?

  5. Delmon might have the worst mustache I have ever seen.

  6. In my house, it is known as “the porno ‘stashe”, and we are very much against it. Seriously considering using that as a profile picture, I love it so hard.

  7. It is a bad mustache

  8. I would like to join this “fans against the ‘stache'” campaign! You should make buttons… lol

  9. If I didn’t adore the dinosaur skeleton I use as my twitter avatar so much I would ask to borrow that JV picture as a new avatar. I love that so much. :)

  10. Mind if I use this in a forum signature?

  11. Delmon would be stylin’ if it happened to be 1985. 2012 – not so much.

  12. What’s with all the Mustache-Bashing? Can’t any of you appreciate how the linearity of Delmon’s ‘stache serves as Perfect Counterpoint to the Glorious Contours of His Nose? The whole of his face, bathed in its Cherubic Granduer, benefits from the Strength-of-the-Mustache. If and when Delmon shaves his ‘stache, I’ll only be able to gaze upon him as I would gaze upon my favorite Van Gogh less the Foreboding Crows…
    …with an overwhelming sense of meaninglessness.
    ‘Til then, I’m a go see if I still can’t suck the Soul Patch off my poster of Brandon Inge!!

  13. Pingback: Does Delmon Young’s Mustache Have Special Powers? The Stats Say Yes | Walkoff Woodward

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