FREE URBINA


illustration by Samara Pearlstein (click for bigger)

SWEET STABBY FREEDOM! Ugueth Urbina, as you all know, has been serving out a 14-year prison sentence in Venezuela since 2007 for attacking at least two of his employees with weaponry both bladed and flame-inducing. It has only been 5.5 years, but our old pal Ugie has been released! He’s free, free as the birds Comerica seagulls!

How did he get out? ESPN sez “good behavior,” which probably means he didn’t stab any other prisoners while he was there. Good job, friend!

I should be able to say that there is not a whelk’s chance in a supernova that Mr. Urbina gets a job back in Major League Baseball. He has been completely out of the game, aside from Venezuelan prison baseball, for over 5 years. He’s 38. Even putting aside minor things like the whole stabbing-and-slicing-and-burning incident, he was having drinking/rage issues in the clubhouse some time beforehand (remember the Tigers Plane Shenanigans?). Realistically, he should not be coming back…

…but there’s always that one incredibly stupid but hopeful (/delusional) team out there willing to take a chance on yer average whelk. I mean, the Cubs exist in real life. We shouldn’t forget that.

Anyways.

Even while Ugie was incarcerated down south, we made sure that he was still in some capacity out and about and enjoying himself. He went to Florence, he went to Seattle, he went to the Midwest. The fourth installment of Where in the World is Ugueth Urbina? has been in the works since this summer– progress slowed considerably due to a hilariously horrible time-suck called Grad Skool– but, fear not!, it will not be scrapped even now that Ugie is back out amongst the masses. I plan to have it done before Spring Training. Maybe even in January. Brace yourselves.

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8 responses to “FREE URBINA

  1. Awesome!

  2. Eagerly await ugies triumphant roar of the tigers return! :D

  3. When Urbina was sentenced, my headline at Take 75 North was that he signed a 14-year contract with a Venezuelan prison. I guess that contract was structured with a mutual option after five years.

    Also, woot for the MVN nostalgia.

  4. Blast from the blog past!!! So happy to see he Made It Through…!

  5. That’s a terrifying image. Just going to go check that my doors and windows are all locked now.

  6. Bwahahaha! Ironically, a Venezuelan prison is one place Gas Can Ugie hasn’t shown up in the “Where in the World is Ugeth Urbina” series.

  7. According to the Associated Press, Uggie is hoping to make a comeback. I realize we have a closer vacancy, but I suspect the Tigers will pass. But how great would it be to see the Man with the Machete back on the hill.

  8. So so so good to see T.C. Ugie again! I never realize quite how much I miss him in my life until you bring him back.

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