Our new manager doesn’t believe in fartin’ around, no siree. A lesser man might have delayed, or hemmed, or even, cats forbid, hawed. But none of that for Mr. Leyland! He already knows what he wants to do, so “why be bullheaded about doing it”? Why indeed!
Are you ready for this announcement, Tiger Nation? Are you?
Here we go.
The Detroit Tigers Opening Day starting pitcher will be….. Kenny Rogers.
*GASP!!* I know! I feel your shock keenly. It’s not Nate Robertson?? How is this possible? What madness! What unpredictability! What innovation of baseball thought! Start the only Tigers pitcher to end last season with a sub-4.00 ERA! We’re talking revolutionary stuff here, people.
All kidding aside, this is the right choice, both because Rogers clearly deserves it, and because he’s so old he might not live to see another Opening Day. Bonderman gets the tip of the navy blue hat for the home opener, which is perfectly fine, since he’ll probably still be in a relatively lively state a few years from now anyways.
From the article announcing this glorious piece of news comes this quote by Bonderman, which I find quite worrisome:
“I’ve never had a guy like Kenny on my team, to have a guy there every day to go through stuff with you and explain why you do this or why you do that.”
Ummm. Really? Pudge never went over any of that stuff with you? Bob Cluck and the Chickens? Heck, Troy “Exploding Forearm” Percival? Maroth never took you aside and said, “Look, kid, all you gotta do is have an exceptional mental makeup. And love of Jesus.” No one?
Maybe this explains a few of the Tigers’ many, many problems. There has been so much turnover in the past few years that there has been little veteran leadership of any description, and certainly nothing like a wise old pitcher to mentor young Bonderman, showing him how to throw a splitter, teaching him how to blow bubbles in his gum, explaining how to develop a personality. It’s rather similar to the woes of the Lions when it comes to quarterbacks, only not so oppressively depressing, because no matter what deranged things Rob Parker may say about Dombrowski being worse than Matt Millen, there’s actually hope for the future with the Tigers.
Our veteran Tiger, as of right now, is Brandon Inge. Brandon Inge! I love Brandon Inge wholeheartedly, and have in fact adopted him for the season over at Motown Sports and currently have his image as an integral part of the desk I spend the vast majority of my life these days at. But when one of your favorite teams has Jason Varitek and Tim Wakefield as its long-tenured team leaders, and the other one has Brandon Inge, you tend to wonder if maybe there’s something a teensy bit strange going on with that second squad.
Anyways. At least now Bonderman can be mentored by Kenny Rogers. When he loses it midgame sometime this July, runs over to the well of photographers, grabs a cameraman and bites his head off with his own naked teeth, we can happily wipe away our tears of pride and know that our boy is learning, bless his little heart.
Completely without workable segue, I would like you all to be exposed to some glorious Dmitri Young quotes.
On Franklyn German’s ‘partially dyed set of braids’ (I’m going by what’s written on the site, as I haven’t seen them yet):
“Look at the ’99 Reds,” Young said. “I wasn’t exactly God’s gift to hair bleach. You have to go through an ugly stage before you get to the cute stage. Right now, he’s dead smack in the ugly stage.”
On both his divorce and his weight loss:
“I’m single now,” he said. “I can’t be fat.”
May he never change.
And, well, I hate to shamelessly pimp like this, but I spent a bloody lot of time on it, so too bad.
You can click the image above for the entire invitation, which has all the info on it. But what is this? Well, it’s an evolution-themed semester here at the University of Michigan, and, not to be outdone by people like “real scientists”, the art school had to get involved. Thusly, Endless Forms, an evolutionary art show.
It’s good stuff. I helped set it up, so I got to see most of the work, and it should be a really cool show. There are some great people in it and some of the artwork is really amazing, and the whole thing is very interesting, especially seeing how everyone reacted differently to the prompt of ‘evolution’.
Technically it opens Februrary 24, this Friday, but since that’s also the start of our Spring Break and no students will be around, the actual opening reception isn’t until March 10. I won’t be around for Feb. 24, as I’m flying home, but I will definitely be there on March 10th, wearing a Red Sox hat and looking awkwardly out of place.
It’s at the WORK gallery, which is at 306 State St, Ann Arbor. If you know the area, it’s right in the downtown campus-y part of State St, like two doors down from Potbelly’s or thereabouts.
Oh, and I have a piece in it, which is kind of the point of pimping it here.
My stuff excepted, it really does promise to be a most excellent show, so everyone who has the capability of going should do so at some point from Feb. 24 to March 24, when it closes. And hey, if you catch me when I’m there on the 10th, we can talk Tigers. I’ll be desperately happy to do so. I’d much rather speculate about the secret identity of the 5th starter than force a strained smile out when someone asks me, for the 500th time, if I really did draw those things over there.