Respect the Red!

AROUS! AROUS! AROUS is on fi-yah!
(AROUS being the Albino Rat of Unusual Size or, as it is locally known, Chris Shelton)

Hopefully this is a sign of beautiful, beautiful things to come, and not a reprise of Dmitri’s 3-homer opener last season (i.e. an absurdly good start followed by a year lacking, shall we say, in luster).

I couldn’t see most of the game, as I was busy dragging my carcass out to Jackson to teach art to some of its finer citizens, but I did put the game on the radio while driving and listened to as much of it as I could.

Did anyone see Inge’s base-running error? It was kind of hard to tell what happened from the radio broadcast. HE WENT 2 FOR 4 AT THE PLATE THOUGH SO EVERYONE CAN JUST SHUT THE HELL UP, Y’HEAR? I won’t have it. He was TOO EXCITED and this is why he overran the base (or whatever he did) and it is not because he is going to do poorly this year because THAT IS A FILTHY FILTHY LIE, that is filthier than the birdcage-bottom of George Steinbrenner’s guano-littered little heart.

Rogers sounded solid, even though he was up against mighty mighty bats wielded by sculpted baseball he-men, like Emil Brown and John Buck.

However HOLY FREAKING CATS JOEL ZUMAYA. Two innings, 1 hit, 1 walk, 3 Ks. Hitting 100 mph on the gun! Walking Mike Sweeney the Self Righteous and letting Mientkie single but then buckling down like a honest-to-kittens real big leaguer.
And after the game he had this to say:

I think it’s going to be the greatest day of my life until I’m married and my children are born… and that’s not close to happening yet.

Right then. Into the Irrational Tigerlove Box with you, Zoom. You’ll stay there while I squee irrationally and with violent enthusiasm over you. You can hang out with Granderson and Inge and Bondo and the AROUS. Don’t worry, it’s nice.
Honest.

7 responses to “Respect the Red!

  1. Michael Martin

    It looked like Inge slid with his knee somehow managing to hit the dirt instead of his ass. He just stuck into the ground and never made it to the base. He had the throw beat by at least two steps and it was high. No excuse for a major league ballplayer not to know how to slide.
    Zumaya was awesome! I’ve been watching his K’s to BB’s ratio for three years and yesterday was exactly what we can expect from him in the future.
    Also, it was good to see Guillen strong enough to go yard but even better to see him leg out an infield single. He looked better on that one play than at any time last year.
    Mike

  2. I think what happened on that slide is that Inge was trying to prevent the tush so admired by onlookers and observers such as Samelathafa. He knows that’s where his bread is buttered with the ladies now, and didn’t want to damage his moneymaker, as it were.

  3. I said “prevent,” but meant “protect.” Sorry ’bout that.

  4. Ah, Mike, OK. See, that does sound like he got caught up in it and wasn’t as level-headed as he might be later in the season. Although I find Ian’s explanation tempting to believe… tempting indeed… :P

  5. “Irrational Tigerlove Box”…. That wouldn’t be a new euphemism for a lady Tiger fan’s…. ummm… uhhh….

  6. Mind outta the gutter, Jeff! This here is a family site, suitable for tigers and wee tiger cubs alike! Plus you’ll note that I included Shelton in there. And my love for Shelton is wholeheartedly platonic.

  7. So true, a face only a mother could love, that Chris Shelton… And, hey, the little kiddies will only be asking why I didn’t finish my sentence. It’s up to the parents to make something up.

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