AROUS! AROUS! AROUS is on fi-yah!
(AROUS being the Albino Rat of Unusual Size or, as it is locally known, Chris Shelton)
Hopefully this is a sign of beautiful, beautiful things to come, and not a reprise of Dmitri’s 3-homer opener last season (i.e. an absurdly good start followed by a year lacking, shall we say, in luster).
I couldn’t see most of the game, as I was busy dragging my carcass out to Jackson to teach art to some of its finer citizens, but I did put the game on the radio while driving and listened to as much of it as I could.
Did anyone see Inge’s base-running error? It was kind of hard to tell what happened from the radio broadcast. HE WENT 2 FOR 4 AT THE PLATE THOUGH SO EVERYONE CAN JUST SHUT THE HELL UP, Y’HEAR? I won’t have it. He was TOO EXCITED and this is why he overran the base (or whatever he did) and it is not because he is going to do poorly this year because THAT IS A FILTHY FILTHY LIE, that is filthier than the birdcage-bottom of George Steinbrenner’s guano-littered little heart.
Rogers sounded solid, even though he was up against mighty mighty bats wielded by sculpted baseball he-men, like Emil Brown and John Buck.
However HOLY FREAKING CATS JOEL ZUMAYA. Two innings, 1 hit, 1 walk, 3 Ks. Hitting 100 mph on the gun! Walking Mike Sweeney the Self Righteous and letting Mientkie single but then buckling down like a honest-to-kittens real big leaguer.
And after the game he had this to say:
I think it’s going to be the greatest day of my life until I’m married and my children are born… and that’s not close to happening yet.
Right then. Into the Irrational Tigerlove Box with you, Zoom. You’ll stay there while I squee irrationally and with violent enthusiasm over you. You can hang out with Granderson and Inge and Bondo and the AROUS. Don’t worry, it’s nice.