Beware the Roar of the Tigers Mauling Tiger of Righteous Fan Indignation

You see this? This is the Roar of the Tigers Mauling Tiger of Righteous Fan Indignation. He’s big, he’s angry, he’s ready and willing to maul. If you misbehave, and I’m looking at you, Detroit Tigers, you will be fed to him by the indignant fans, and you will be duly mauled.

Bad Fernando! Bad! None of this ‘giving away the game’ business, y’hear? We already have someone for that in the ‘pen, and Rollercoaster Rodney, while pleasingly alliterative, does not have the same familiar ring as Rollercoaster Jones. So YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED.

I understand that it’s tough, being a reliever. You don’t get the big sample sizes that starters do, and you come in just when the opposing bats are starting to get desperate. Sometimes you just want to put down your glove and politely hand the ball to the opposing batters. But when those opposing batters are Jay freaking Gibbons (one of the most awkward-looking dudes in baseball) and Melvin freaking Mora (one of the ‘worst names’ in baseball, at least according to numerous Fenway-goers I’ve sat near during Sox/O’s games), no, you do not politely leave the ball hanging over the plate. Because that way, you give up runs, and the team goes into horrified shock, and we LOSE.

So. It happened once. These things do. I understand. You did your bit, you got mauled by the RotT Tiger of Righteous Fan Indignation. Now we’re all clear on where we stand. NEVER DO IT AGAIN.

Meanwhile, Pudge played at first!

Now, I only watched the very first bit of the game, because in case you haven’t heard it’s Sox/Yankees week here in the East, and I’m a bit consumed with that. But thanks to the joys of and a home cable connection, I can watch pieces of the Tigers games here and there. So I didn’t get a great look at how Pudge did out there. But I did get to see his awesometastical diving play in the first.

What happened was that a liner was hit to the first base side, and Pudge threw himself horizontal, snagging the ball and making the last out of the inning. It was pretty sharp and would’ve drawn compliments from the announcers if a Gold Glove-type 1Bman like our dearly departed Carlos Pena had made it. And this was Pudge! Pudge Rodriguez. His first start at first since winter ball in 1997.

He was so pleased with himself too. He levered himself off the ground, smacking the base with his glove as he did for extra “TAKE THAT HO YOU JUST GOT BEAT BY THE FIRST BASE DEFENSE OF IVAN PUDGE RODRIGUEZ” emphasis. He ran back to the dugout grinning like a baby-eating madman. You know what I mean. I love me some Pudge, but the dude looks freaking psychotic sometimes.

Rod Allen called him “the little pudgy one” too, which I think he’s done before, and this is all very right and proper and derangedly awesome.

Don’t even ask me what Carlos Guillen did last night. I can’t even start to think about it. It hurts my brain too much. Also in the brain hurty category: whatever the dickens is wrong with Placido. Seriously. I refuse to contemplate it right now. It’s for the best.

Let’s just hope Verlander can stop this damn skidmark of a losing stretch tonight, eh?


4 responses to “Beware the Roar of the Tigers Mauling Tiger of Righteous Fan Indignation

  1. “Jay freaking Gibbons (one of the most awkwardly ugly men in baseball)”
    At least we can agree on that.

  2. Hey Samara, you are totally insane even when the school year is over. Keep it up.

  3. M, the universe agrees upon that point.
    Lee, of course. The insanity is a baseline state. School just heaps extra derangment on top of it.

  4. […] If you doubt the veracity of this, just ask Fernando. He knows. […]

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