nothing worse than a pirate cod to the noggin

Sometimes, you’re walking down the street. Nice easy pace. Real cool. You’re nodding to all the people you pass like, “Yo, whassup, just doin’ some winnin’ over up in here.” You’re cruising.

And sometimes when you’re cruising, all of a sudden, completely out of the middle of nowhere, some dude in the street pulls a full-sized dead codfish out of his trench coat, and before you have time to even process that startling development, he takes that big ol’ codfish, and he smacks you in the face with it. Hard.

Just WHAM, cold cod across the bridge of your nose.

And sometimes that codfish is wearing a red, black-spotted bandanna, and has an earring, and an eyepatch, and some vaguely suspect facial hair. SOMETIMES THE CODFISH THAT SMACKS YOU SO UNEXPECTEDLY IN THE FACE IS A PIRATE CODFISH.

I think you see where I’m going here.

When you’ve gotten hit in the face with the pirate codfish, you’re stunned. You’re stunned firstly because you got hit in the head with an object that happens to be pretty hefty. But you’re also stunned because of what you got hit with. It’s not something at least understandable, like a crowbar or the Chicago Wrong Sox or some other mundane bludgeoning tool. It’s a DEAD FISH. Wearing a BANDANNA.

All you can do is stand there and gape and go, “whaaaa?”

That many errors and almost-errors in two games is not just unacceptable, it is downright incomprehensible. We are all reeling from the codfish blow right now.

We can only hope Jim Leyland is quick enough to recover from the codfish blast to scream some sense into these Tigs. If this doesn’t prompt another Leyland Tirade, my goodness, nothing will.


6 responses to “nothing worse than a pirate cod to the noggin

  1. Or sometimes you see a cod with an eyepatch and goatee, scream “Oh my God! What the #@$%?” and run away. Hard to blame the Tigers there.

  2. Lay off the rock, Sam.

  3. With the goatee, the eyepatch, the bandana, and the earing it kind of looks like Mario Impemba. Or at least it looks like what I think Mario Impemba would look like if he were to dress up as a pirate.

  4. I wouldn’t laugh at the cod… not until it becomes clear that the Tigers, as a whole, have overcome the trauma of being codsmacked. And as of yesterday, it seems that they have not.
    Billfer, that is a terrifyingly accurate observation. Maybe Mario Impemba IS a pirate on off-days? Someone should look into this.

  5. Speaking of fish, they had footage of Jason Grilli catching a flying Fish in Seattle on the Tigers pregame today.

  6. Hey, now, I’ve got not 1, not 2, but 3 — count ’em 3 — Pirates on my fantasy team, so I’m sort of following them more closely than any rational person should… They’ve lost a lot of 1-run games in the first half… And here’s something to think about: Last year’s Nationals *won* a ton of 1-run games in the first half… Then fell off the proverbial cliff in the second half. Look for the Pirates to be a lot better in the second half, and be glad that we caught them towards the end of the down part of their season.
    On another thought, due to circumstances beyond my control (like, for instance, that four-letter word known as “work”), I’ve been Samara-less for easily 6 weeks, now… I plan to not let that situation linger.
    Start printing the playoff tickets!

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