the official “Happy Mark Redman is No Longer a Tiger” club

Seriously. Seven hits, 9 earned runs, and 2 walks over 0.1 innings is maybe the worst line I’ve seen in… uh, a good long time, if not ever. That is not Redman having a rocky outing; that is an outing where the rocks have sharp jagged edges and have been whipped at Redman’s head until they’ve split his skull open like so much soft cheese.

Ten runs in one game would have been embarrassing for the Royals. Ten runs in one inning? That’s not embarrassing. That’s epic.

It was so epic that it needs to be reprinted here, for those who missed it, because the box score won’t tell you precisely how it went down and, my goodness. It just has to be seen to be believed.

-Granderson homers to lead it off. Much joy. It’s always nice to see him show some power.
-Craig grounds out. Well, it happens.
-The River Thames walks. A TIGER WALK, O THE HAPPINESS. He was looking all the way, too. He took two balls, then watched a strike go by, then took two more balls for the walk.
-Maggs singles.
-Carlos doubles to score The River.
-Pudge walks (!!!!).
-Inge singles to score Maggs.
-Big Red singles to score Carlos.
-Polanco takes 6 pitches (3 balls and 3 balls fouled off) before finding one he can hit. Which he does. He doubles deep to right to score Pudge and Inge. This was, mind you, his first at-bat since coming off the DL. So heartening to see him do this.
-Granderson triples to score Big Red and Polanco. We have now batted around, mind you, and at this point 8 runs are in.
-The Royals, having no other option if they want the game to end at some point, remove Mark Redman from the game and put in Dohmann.
-Craig grounds out. Again. Slightly worrying, the way everyone else is hitting.
-The River singles, scoring Granderson and ensuring that every runner Redman put on base would come around to score. Thus concludes Mark Redman’s 9-run evening.
-Maggs walks. Like The River earlier, he was looking all the way. He took a strike without swinging at it, and then took 4 straight balls.
-Guillen reaches base on an infield single that the second baseman knocked down but couldn’t get an out on. The bases were now loaded.
-Pudge walks, AGAIN, on the 11th pitch of the at-bat, scoring The River.
-Inge grounds into a fielder’s choice that cuts down Pudge at second, finally ending the inning.

That’s 10 runs, 9 hits, 4 walks, and 70 pitches thrown by 2 Royals pitchers, ALL IN ONE INNING.

There’s not much else that can be said about the game.

It was a good chance to get some work in for both Polanco and Mike Maroth. Placido looked like he had never been gone. I have no idea how he did that; with the minor league seasons over, he had nowhere to properly rehab, but there he was, having a 3-for-4 night and not dropping balls in the infield. He’s not playing today, and regardless of whether that’s because he’s a little sore or because the team’s being cautious with him, I’m not concerned. He’s far more fine than I thought he was going to be.

Maroth was shakier, giving up 3 runs in one inning, but that’s the beauty of a game like this. It didn’t matter. He needs to get some work in at some point or other, he’s very much not used to relieving, and what better time to let him work some stuff out than in a game where you have already scored 15 runs? I’m not too cut up about how he’s throwing right now. So long as he can be healthy for next year, I’ll be happy.

Magic number’s down to 1 to clinch a spot in the playoffs of some variety. Go Mariners. Go Orioles. Go Tigers.

edit: Something I noticed last night and in today’s game right now. Rod and Mario are OBSESSED with Magglio’s hair. I mean, his hair gives me delight on many levels, but I can’t hold a candle to Rod and Mario for sheer MaggsHairJoy. It is like they have never seen anything so magnificent in their lives. I can only imagine the glorious heights to which they would have risen if they’d been broadcasting all the 2004 Red Sox games.

That said, when it comes to the things a sportscaster could be obsessed with, Magglio’s hair is by far one of the most deserving.

Also, Craig just doubled. Hopefully I’ll be feeling a lot better about what he did last night after today.

And Runny Elves just hit Inge. In the chest. Granted, he was leaning down to bunt, but Runny Elves saw that and threw the ball high enough to hit him there. If Runny Elves could STOP HITTING TIGERS BATTERS ABOVE THE WAIST, THAT WOULD BE GREAT. My hatred for this guy really knows no bounds.

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