photo by Samara Pearlstein
It looks like it’s gone official now.
BRANDON INGE. FOUR YEARS. 24 MILLION.
I might need a moment…. *snff*…. it’s so…. so beautiful…
Now, look. I am an unabashed Brandon Inge fan. Everyone knows this. I am down with the ways of Brandon Inge. I smile and nod at the errors and say things like, “He is RELATIVELY NEW TO THE POSITION,” and “He only makes those errors because he is GETTING TO BALLS THAT OTHER THIRD BASEMEN DON’T GET TO,” and “He makes up for his relative lack of patience with AMAZING DEFENSIVE PLAYS
when they aren’t errors,” and “He is A LOT BETTER THAN AROD BECAUSE I SAY SO.”
I mean, look at the evidence! ARod and New York are like cats and dogs, or not even cats and dogs because I know some cats and dogs who get along very well together. ARod and New York are like dogs and ROBOTS PROGRAMMED TO HATE, SEEK OUT, AND KILL ALL DOGS, AND ALSO THE ROBOTS HAVE FINGERS MADE OF NEEDLES, AND THE NEEDLES ARE FILLED WITH DOG-POISON. That is ARod and New York. But Brandon Inge and Detroit are like two cuddly kittens that cuddle together and curl up into one big ball of fur and you try to pick them up and they go all floppy and look at you with big eyes and make tiny little mewing noises. See? SEE? If that doesn’t justify this contract, I don’t know what does.
“To be honest with you, there’s no place I’d rather be,” said Inge… “They stuck with me when I was probably not the best, and I’ve improved every year for them. This is the best place for me.”
“It never (entered) my mind that I’d want to be anywhere other than Detroit. It’s all I’ve known. It’s all I really want to know.”
Detroit Free Press article
If you don’t feel the love there, then you have a heart made of STONE. And I don’t mean pumice, I mean SERIOUS ROCK.
I mean, you all know how I am. Brandon Inge: he’s MY Tiger!
Good reasons to have Inge on this contract:
–surprising power for his wee size
–great range at third
–much-touted athleticism allows him to play other positions in a pinch if someone else’s groin falls off in the middle of the field or something
–along the same lines: rocket arm of GLORIOUS DESTRUCTION
–also along the same lines: much-touted athleticism makes him a slightly better bet to avoid the I-bug than, say, Carlos, who has already been bitten so many times that if I-bug toxin was glow-in-the-dark, they wouldn’t need to light the field when Carlos was out there for night games
–all the “real honest-to-gosh numerically proven an’ everything” defensive reasons, most of which the incomparable Billfer already covered
Terrible reasons to have Inge on this contract that I would hate hearing for any other player, but that I will glory in because in this instance they pertain to Brandon Inge:
–appears to love Detroit, despite Detroit’s inherent…. Detroitness
–is a Tiger through-and-through, came up through the system and everything
–seems to get along well enough with the coaching staff and other players
–wears his socks up
I hate to see guys get contracts because they’re “deserving” and they’re team players who have been uncomplaining when the team stuck with them through their years of semi-cruddy play, but…. Brandon Inge DESERVES this, OK? He is a TIGER with not only a capital T, but a bunch of other capital letters too. He has managed to survive SOME OF THE WORST TEAMS IN THE HISTORY OF BASEBALL EVER, and he still does not hate coming out to the ballpark. They told him to play catcher and he played catcher, even though he hated it with every fiber of his being, and it taxed his two brain cells to their utmost limit.
Four years, in this market, for a player who is of general good health in all his vital limbs? BARGAIN.
Feel the joy with me, Tigers fans. Feel the joy. Brandon Inge is a Tiger for 4 more years. You love it.