oh dramatic male posturing, you make for the BEST fights!


photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Ha ha ha WHAT

No, there weren’t any punches thrown. But I still love that this escalated as far as it did.

The story, as near as I can make out (having not listened to the game):

–Josh Beckett walks people like a mad crazy walking machine. Sign number one that his control is not the best today.
–Josh Beckett hits Gary Sheffield somewhere nonvital but fairly high up (I think on the arm). Sign number two that his control is not the best today, and that he should, y’know, MAYBE STOP THINKING ABOUT PITCHING INSIDE, since it’s March and all.
–Josh Beckett hits Magglio Ordonez in the head.
–Everyone immediately has flashbacks to 2005.
–Magglio falls over and writhes for a bit, ‘though thankfully most of the blow is cushioned by his voluminous curls.
–Todd Jones comes in and stews lightly over Beckett’s lack of concern for humanity.
–Jonesy throws behind JD Drew which, OK, maybe not the best move, but it’s JD FREAKIN’ DREW. Even Boston fans are kind of wishing he’d gotten plunked.
–Jonesy gets ejected.
–Jim Leyland comes out to make the pitching change. Now, judging from some photos, it looks like Jonesy and Red Sox third base coach DeMarlo Hale were “exchanging information” before Leyland got onto the field (I would assume DeMarlo objected to Jones’ retaliatory instincts; honestly though, anyone who saw that business go down in ’05 should be aware that Tigers do not take headshots lightly), but most every writeup I’ve seen has described Leyland as a catalyst of the mess to follow.

–Regardless, Leyland comes on to remove Jonesy and somehow gets in the middle of a screaming match with DeMarlo Hale.
–Both benches clear.
–Everyone stands around squealing at each other, because it’s March and nobody wants to get Kyle Farnsworthed out there.
–Umpires dramatically restrain Leyland from going after DeMarlo and, who knows, kicking him in the shins with his cleats or something.
–Somewhere in all this, Leyland is ejected.
–At some point in the game, Beckett injures his jaw (!) by colliding with Sheffield at home plate (!!). I have no idea how this happened or when in this timeline it did, but I think it’s worth throwing in there.
–Near the end of the game, Travis Hughes hits Chris Shelton with a pitch. No one cares, because who the bollocks is Travis Hughes?

The moral of the story, as ever, is simple:

Don’t mess with Jim freakin’ Leyland, yo. He will bust your business up.

6 responses to “oh dramatic male posturing, you make for the BEST fights!

  1. The fact that there are FOUR in Fenway this year, right near the start of the season before I

  2. I am filled with glee over every detail of this. My favorite part, though, may be that it was Josh freaking Beckett. Without even knowing any other details, I knew right away that he’d simply pulled a Clement and had no control whatsoever. This was not a Runelvys situation over here. And the Red Sox freaked out anyway! It was great! And what is it with Leyland and having a spaz at Red Sox games? Remember him schooling that ump on the strike zone last year? Classic. I was so proud.
    I fully encourage a potential low-level bubbling grudge between my teams. I would love a brawl during which I just totally explode right in the middle of the bar because I don’t know whose side I’m on. *waits even more impatiently than usual for the first Red Sox/Tigers game of the year*

  3. Man, no kidding… I already look forward to the Tigers/Red Sox games with a certain amount of joyful trepidation, knowing how excited and torn I’ll be. The fact that there are FOUR in Fenway this year, right near the start of the season before I’m properly “warmed up”… add in this possible hilarious tension… I might literally die in the stands. We shall see.
    And yeah, Beckett pretty clearly just didn’t have any control here. The only thing I can (and do) fault him for is continuing to pitch inside when he knew bloody well that he didn’t know where the ball was going.

  4. You bet! I’ll be in MA for sure, definitely at Fenway for at least one of the games, possibly (hopefully!) for all four. Beth said you were gonna be in town again this summer, but she didn’t know which series. We shall have to meet up and you can watch me squeal incoherently in person for a bit.

  5. I saw pictures of that fracas down there, and when you mentioned that Tigers-Royals brawl back in ’05, It played in my memory again, especially when Guillen charged the mound after Runelvys Hernandez, Bondo looking really disheveled, and Farnsworth took that other dude out. I remember my mom and I seeing it on TV and us both being shocked.

  6. Yeah, Lauren, every brawl from now on is gonna remind us of that one. That one was freakin’ epic.

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