AAHHHHHH KENNY ROGERS DL AHHHHHHHHHHH

photo by Samara Pearlstein

WHAT!!!!!

Tigers’ Rogers to Miss Start of Season!!!?????!?!?!??

TIRED ARM???!??

KENNY!! Here you were LURING US INTO COMPLACENCY, thinking that the only tired arms we had to worry about were Verlander’s wee baby arm, and Zumaya’s video game-tormented arm, but NO, apparently it is YOU with the dreaded “tired arm”, the “tired arm” that could mean anywhere from “light soreness” to “auughh the tendon is ripping right now rip rip rip rip rip oh gawd nooooo my arm is turning into Mark Prior noooooooo”.

*HYPERVENTILATES*

Is Kenny old now? IS HE OLD???? IS HE OLD AND TIRED IN HIS ARMS????? AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Dave Dombrowski tells us to not panic but SORRY DAVE I’LL PANIC IF I WANT TO AND THIS I RECKON WARRANTS PANIC FROM MY QUARTER.

Oh jeeeeeeeeeez if his arm is tired now, how will it hold up over the course of a season?? HOW??? EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK.
AHHHHHHHHHHH

*spacks out*
*flails*
*flails some more*

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee augh

edit: They’re saying now that it might be a blood clot, and that he’ll miss at least his first start of the season. Ummmm, blood clot?? DANGEROUS LITTLE BUGGER. Now I’m concerned both for Kenny’s pitching ability AND his general health. I really hope that isn’t what it is. But at least he hasn’t had an artery explode in his shoulder yet, in the style of Craig Dingman.