a sonnet for Placido Polanco


photo by Samara Pearlstein

I don’t think it’s QUITE iambic pentameter (my stresses are all off), and it’s not at all elegant, but… it’s a bloody freakin’ sonnet about bloody freakin’ Placido Polanco. Because 9 out of 10 Shakespearean scholars agree: if you want to express unreasonably deep love for someone, the sonnet is the way to go.

(the 10th Shakespearean scholar is a Yankee fan and thus is incapable of love)

O large-headed man with hat so wide-stretched,
Slugging percentage rising from its place.
Hits baseballs so hard, seams on his bat etched,
With home runs, a triple, always on base.
He backs up his team with those mighty swings,
Not just today, all the season so far.
In his presence a baseball soon gains wings:
We’ve seen Placido make his bat a star.
The rest of the team struggles to get hits,
So we hope Polanco does not get hurt,
For this infielder never has bat fits.
He hits nice and steady, not in a spurt.

And who could question our love of this dude?
Nobody out there better rocks a snood!

What a hitter. What a on-base machiiiiiiine. Love and poetry, man, only the best for Mr. Polanco.

4 responses to “a sonnet for Placido Polanco

  1. Wow. It’s… it’s beautiful. *tear*

  2. Aww, thanks Trev. Glad I could, um, move you.

  3. […] 2. The BEST middle infield in the American League. Carlos Guillen and Placido Polanco will both be managing in the majors some day and this is a testament to the fact that they simply know how to win baseball games. Oh, and they’re not bad athletes either. Polanco is the prototypical #2 hitter and is a vastly underrated defensive player. Guillen is the Tigers best all-around player and should be in the discussion of the best shortstops in the American League. […]

  4. […] I refer you back to the sonnet for Placido Polanco post. Once again, it more or less accurately sums up my feelings on the matter. […]

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