Is it time to put Fernando Rodney out to pasture?

photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

No. It is not time to put Fernando Rodney out to pasture. It is time to let a man-eating tiger eat his face off. THEN maybe he will realize that this is SERIOUS BUSINESS and he has to GET HIS HUMDINGIN’ ACT TOGETHER or else he is GONE. GOOOOONE. Either because he is TRADED or SENT DOWN or if the team persists in believing in him in the face of all evidence, he will still be gone because the fans will take the initiative and throw him into the Detroit River.

So much dumb stuff that went on in this game. Why did Nate throw to first when the runner wasn’t that far off it, and, more importantly, The Mayor wasn’t even there? Why did that ball to Brandon Inge thump dead on the edge of the grass instead of, as it usually does, bouncing up? Why was Joel Zumaya so mortal today? WHY DO THE WRONG SOX EXIST?

At least we have an answer to that last question. A: TO INFURIATE AND VEX US.

DESPITE all this, we still had a shot at this game. Extra innings! Anything could happen!

What happened was that Fernando F’IN Rodney got in the game, and utterly failed at life, the universe, everything, and pitching. This is the SQUILLIONTH time that this has happened! Haven’t we learned our lesson yet? FEED HIM TO THE TIGERS.

This was SUCH a frustrating loss. In case you couldn’t tell.


5 responses to “Is it time to put Fernando Rodney out to pasture?

  1. It’s gotten to the point that Rodney’s entrance is an automatic loss.

  2. That tiger is gonna give me nightmares.

  3. Yeah, I had to head out to work as Fernando was coming in, but, you know, I wasn’t exactly living in suspense. I knew damn well what was going to happen, and I have no freaking idea why Leyland keeps putting him in in tie/one-run lead situations. He needs work to see if he can get his shit back together, but dude. Put him in when we’re four runs up or down and let him work it out THEN (and on a short leash even then, because yeah). He does not currently deserve to be entrusted with important situations.

  4. In response to “Why Do the White Sox Exist?”, I made a comparison the other day with a Red Sox fan in my office… Think about this, the White Sox-Tigers could well become the Yankees-Red Sox of the Midwest. Well, first, both teams would have to be good for a number of years, and of course the Tigers are Johnny-come-latelys in that regard, and, let’s face it, before about 2000, the White Sox were not much to write home about, either… But here’s one comparison that makes sense… Chicago is the jewel town of the Midwest, there’s just no question about that. And NYC is the jewel town of the East Coast, there’s just no question about that, either. And Boston & Detroit? Struggling along to get recognition in the face of an obviously superior city. Same with their teams. Now, the Red Sox had a different kind of disappointment in recent times (pre-2004, I’m saying), I’m not saying the Tigers are in the same position, nor are the White Sox in anything like the position the Yankees hold… But in a way, doesn’t that make it more frustrating? They are, after all, *just* the White Sox. Why is this so f-ing hard to get over them?
    Let’s just suffice it to say that I was damn skippy happy that Marcus Thames (and I’ve wondered about this, because in London, they pronounce it “Tems” (as in it rhymes with “hems”), while Dan Dickerson pronounces Marcus’ surname “Tims” (rhymes with “brims”)… So to nickname him The River Thames… but I digress) did his thing and that C-Mo worked a walk in a key spot that got Polly up in such a way as it made no sense to intentionally walk him. Because if all of that hadn’t happened, we would have ended the series behind them in the standings, and that just is no longer acceptable. Not to me, at any rate.

  5. Dave, yeah. That’s what I’m sayin’. Sigh and alas and such.
    Trev, good, I feel accomplished now.
    Cat, I don’t know why they let it go as long as they did… I can only assume that someone, somewhere thought that Rodney was just one pitch away from getting his head on straight or something like that. They seem to have (hopefully) wised up now.
    Jeff, it’s an interesting point. Although I don’t think you can really compare the struggles of Detroit with the “struggles” of Boston.
    And yes, Marcus is prounounced Tims, but I like calling him The River Thames because the spelling is there, and it’s too perfect to not use.

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