Chad Durbin pimps again


Durbin pimps his Mike Sweeney ho by Samara Pearlstein

This is getting WACKY.

Chad Durbin had that first pimptacular outing against the White Sox, where he made it through 8 innings with 9 Ks, and basically it was ridiculous and impossible and CHAD DURBIN. WHAT.

Then he had a bad outing, and we all nodded to ourselves, yes yes, this is the way the world works. Everything is comforting and familiar and it is good to be back in the universe we know. Chad Durbin was only trying that pimp hat on; he can’t REALLY pimp out the hos for some cold cash. Don’t be silly, kids: Chad Durbin can’t get no hos.

Today Chad Durbin said, “You don’t know, I got all the honies givin’ me money,” and Chad Durbin donned his pimp hat once more. “Put on them royal blue stockings, baby,” Chad Durbin purred to his Royals, “and go out there and win that Hot Dog Race.*”

The Royal Hos went out, tottering on their high heels, and made some big whiffs, all for Chad Durbin. Chad Durbin was perfectly in control. Chad Durbin was running the whole show with his heavy hand and his steely gaze. All the Royal Hos were cringing and deferential before his might. You don’t mess with the big pimp in town.

Now, 7.2 innings isn’t quite as awesome as 8, and 3 Ks isn’t quite as awesome as 9, but it’s all awfully good, doubley and tripley so when you consider the fact that it’s CHAD DURBIN.

I still can’t get over the fact that he’s had two good outings, and not even just good outings, we are talking seriously good, PIMPTACULARLY GOOD outings. Where is this coming from? Surely the league’s not still adjusting? I mean, OK, OK, I know today was against the Royals, but Durbin’s last great start was against the White Sox, no slouch of a team themselves. This is all very strange, very strange indeed.

Not quite as strange, maybe, as Mike Sweeney with his face Photoshopped onto a special KC Royalsized bunny, but pretty strange by itself.

I’m not really expecting it to continue; I guess on some level I do believe that maybe the league’s still adjusting; he’s from a while back and people might not have any good conception of how he works on the mound. Once they get more used to him, he should become as eminently hittable as we known in our hearts he is.

But man is it ever fun to watch it now. Pimpin’!

*Look, they actually HAVE a Hot Dog Race in KC, and it’s kind of a big deal. I’m not being a filth-mongerer, honest. Or at least, not any more so than usual.

4 responses to “Chad Durbin pimps again

  1. Whew! Man, I’m glad you clarified that you photoshopped Sweeney’s head onto a bunny’s body, because I don’t recall him having legs like that while whiffing on a Justin Verlander pitch.

  2. I live in KC. Our church sponsored a baseball clinic on Saturday, May 5. We had members of the Royals and Tigers show up to the clinic. Sean Casey, Chad Durbin, Mike Sweeney, Tony Pena Jr., Brian Bannister, and Dayton Moore (Royals GM). Very cool. I got to talk to both Sean Casey and Chad Durbin. Both guys were very nice, but Casey was a class act. You can really tell why people like him. I got a picture taken with him and was just floored by the experience. Been a Tigers fan all of my life and what a time it was to meet some players. Then Durbin goes out the next day and shuts the Royals down.

  3. Ian, hard to tell under those baseball pants.
    Jesse, that’s great. :) And I’m not surprised in the least re: Casey. Up or down on the field, he’s always, ALWAYS great with the fans. Hard to not like a guy like that.

  4. . . . I’m sorry I missed this when it was originally posted. And I’m glad I wasn’t drinking anything when I did finally see it.

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