beating down the Cardinals and a wild ride on the Rollercoaster Jones


take a ride on Rollercoaster Jones, by Samara Pearlstein

Before I go any further into this weekend, I would just like to relive the 9th inning of Saturday’s game with you, so that you may better understand this post’s graphic.

The score was 8-5, Tigers. Todd Jones came in to pitch.
Jim Edmonds singled.
Yadier Molina grounded into a fielder’s choice that forced out Edmonds at second.
Adam Kennedy walked, moving Molina to second.
Chris Duncan flew out.
Aaron Miles singled to centerfield, scoring Molina and moving Kennedy to third. The score was 8-6.
Scott Spiezio and his red goatee tuft hit a ground rule double, scoring Kennedy and moving Miles to third. The score was 8-7.
Albert Pujols was intentionally walked, thus loading the bases.
TIGERS FANS EVERYWHERE HAD HEART ATTACKS AND SEIZURES.
The count went to 2-and-2 on Scott Rolen before
he mercifully popped out to third to end the game.

If you didn’t know before, you sure now know why we call him Rollercoaster Jones. Oh my GAWD, could that have BEEN any more UNNECESSARILY STRESSFUL? I think not. 100% pure Todd Jones. One day he is going to get a save, and nobody in Detroit is going to care, because we’re all going to be dead from cardiac arrest.

Anyways!

Much better game today, and although Fernando TRIED to make it more interesting, he’s no Todd Jones; when Fernando loses hold of games, he doesn’t barely hang on to win, oh no, they go to pot FAST, which is probably why Leyland put in Bobby Seay for what must have been the weakest one-batter save of his career. I doubt Bobby Seay is complaining. He should be happy he’s still on the team, so.

Verlander was on fire today and Chris Duncan’s liable to hit a home run off of anyone, right? Right. Aside from that, it was pretty much the Justin Verlander show. It’s like he saw Andrew Miller’s start and said to himself, “Oh hell no, I am NOT taking a backseat to that kid. I will be the best first-round pick in this organization and people WILL love me and my name shall be known throughout the lands, especially the St. Louis lands.” Something like that.

This was a nice little rematch with our World Series enemies of last year. It did feel nice to dominate interleague play in the traditional American League way, and it did feel good to slap some Cardinals across their smarmy faces. Jim Leyland does make a good point, though:

“They had the last laugh,” Leyland said Sunday afternoon. “They got the big ring and we got the second-best ring. We don’t get a ring for winning these three games.”
official site game recap

Well, no, obviously we don’t. But we do get temporary chest-pounding and hooting rights, because there’s ALWAYS next year, and OUR next year doesn’t involve Kip Wells. I feel pretty good about that.

5 responses to “beating down the Cardinals and a wild ride on the Rollercoaster Jones

  1. Dave B Wagner

    Todd Jones has made us all stronger people

  2. I mean you really are an idiot. Do you get paid for these blogs? “Bobby Seay should be lucky to be on the team” (Leftys vs Bobby Seay this season: 1-23, 6 Ks, .043 BA) He is a situational pitcher and his job is to get leftys out.
    You need to find a new job seriously. You have no idea what you are talking about.

  3. Dave, seriously.
    Oh, Jon, kiddo, you crack me up. I blog for fun. Lighten up and admit some humor into your life. I also said that one day Todd Jones is gonna give us all heart attacks; do you assume I meant that literally as well? Like one day metro Detroit streets will be silent because people are lying dead in their homes and places of business because Todd Jones closed out a close one the night before? I mean, I know some people consider the Internet to be SERIOUS BUSINESS, but unless you ARE Bobby Seay (maybe you are?), this obsessive Bobby Seay-defense only comes across as a little, y’know, creepy and weird.
    And I’ve gotta say, it’s awfully funny that a “situational lefty” has faced more rightys than lefties so far this season, eh?

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