Todd Jones has a hairball


photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

I think the Tigers are actually FINDING ways to lose now. It was bound to happen. They did a lot of winning, and now they’re bored with it, so they’ve decided to mix it up. Spice up the record a little. Get some variety in there. You know.
Tonight they chose a relatively novel form of losing: scoring more runs than some teams see in a week, and still managing to cough up the game. I know I have Jonesy producing the hairball up there, and it was MOSTLY his hairball, but make no mistake, everyone else on the pitching side of things contributed in their own special way.

Maroth coughed up some nice big home runs… airy hairballs, if you will. And Ledezma did well for a little bit before coming apart at the hairball-weakened seams. Yeah, that makes no sense, but I’m kind of losing it over here.

The offense didn’t seem to have many problems. Maggs and Polanco continued their domination of the baseball bat (7-for-9 with 6 runs scored and 3 RBI between the two of them). Granderson had another triple! Craig homered! The Mayor got some hits! Omar got some hits! Mike freakin’ Rabelo got some hits! Even Neifi Perez, NEIFI!!!! PEREZ!!!! got on base and scored a run.

Eleven runs. Eleven. And we still manage to lose? How is this a thing that is possible? No, OK, I am well aware that it is possible; we’ve just done it, and this is not the first Tigers team to do so, not by a long shot. But GAWD is it irksome. It is a hairball in my throat. It tastes bad and I keep coughing but it is lodged there and driving me NUTS with the simple fact of its existence. Go away, hairball! Go away, and don’t come back unless you’ve got a decent bullpen with you!

7 responses to “Todd Jones has a hairball

  1. Love your illustrations and your humor and your writing. I’m inspired. What I’m inspired towards I’ll figure out and then get back to you.
    Nina, mvn.com/tennis

  2. This was the worst of a series of bad losses. I remain confident, particularly with Rogers only being 4 weeks away(or less), and Fernando back soon(I like the guy).

  3. ivantopumpyouup

    Rpd characterized it as the most devastating loss in 2 years. I think he may be onto something. At least Kenny’s due back soon.
    And… and… VANCE IS GOING TO TOLEDO ON TUESDAY! Halle-frickin-lujah the savior is … well, on his way back from an injury no one seems to have any clue what it is! :D
    In all seriousness the bullpen scares me more than global warming. I’m all for targeting Troy Percival at this point, busted arm be damned.

  4. ivantopumpyouup

    Rpd. I have no idea who that is. Must be Rod Allen’s alter ego.

  5. Dave B Wagner

    As bad as Jones was, it’s not his fault his manager left him in for 48 terrible pitches. This is another loss on Leyland.

  6. Nina, excellent! So long as I’m not inspiring you to insanity….
    Yeah, the liking of Fernando…. can’t say I’m so down with that.
    ivan, you may be the only person in the entire world, aside from Vance Wilson himself, who is manifestly more excited about the return of Vance than the return of Kenny Rogers. :)
    Dave, yeah… fairly agonizing. On the one hand, I understand where Leyland was coming from, a little: the bullpen’s already thin, and Jonesy IS supposed to be the closer. On the other hand, ARGH GET HIM OUT OF THERE ALREADY.

  7. ivantopumpyouup

    Yes, I have issues! :D

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