photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein
If you treat the phrase “Fernando Rodney does it again” as an algebraic formula, then “it” would be the variable, and in this case “it” equals “blows a game by failing to keep a small baseball in a very large ballpark.”
I’m bringing back this tiger, because I think he’s the only thing that can make me crack a smile after Fernando does his little “whoops I’m bad at basball!” dance yet again.
Have I mentioned how much I dislike Fernando Rodney? I’m pretty sure that I have. What a loathsome pitcher. I think what really rubs me the wrong way is the fact that Fernando has this kind of hard-throwing control-issue-riddled pitching style that seems like it would be perfectly appropriate for a young guy. You know, some punk kid reliever who thinks his mediocre (i.e. Zumayan) flameballing ways are enough to cut it in the majors. Then the kid acts all mad and sulky and outraged when his control deserts him, all, “How DARE my control do this to ME?”
That’s excusable (‘tho still laughable) in a young guy. Not so much in Fernando Rodney, who is 30 YEARS OLD, and definitely still acts like that on the mound. Even if we ignored his results this season (which I am not doing), this would get my hackles up.
In his usual stylish way, Fernando did not just lose the game today; he managed to lose a closely-played game, thus making things much more agonizing. THANKS PANTSLOADS, Fernando.
Mike Maroth threw a pretty damn good game for someone who actually threw a fairly awful game. The way he chips at the sides of the strike zone… ugh, it’s like watching a bloody sculptor work on a block of marble. Chip. Chip. Chip. Tiny little flakes… it’s infuriating. You start thinking that you’ve never seen someone chip so tentatively and weakly at the strike zone as Maroth does. But eventually the sculpture takes shape, and if that shape has the form of a 7 inning game with only 1 run given up on 9 hits and 4 walks, well…. that’s not a masterpiece, but that’s not a hideous sculpture at all. Sigh. Again, thanks Fernando.
Now everybody can see why Verlander’s no-hitter was so good for the Tigers on every level. The fact that he was pitching so well meant that Leyland was going to make every effort to throw him out there for all 9 innings, which meant: no bullpen! Which is good! Because the bullpen is starting to make a habit of doing THINGS LIKE THIS.
Anyways! Don’t forget the campaign to get Placido Polanco into his rightful spot on the All Star roster!
The cat’s name is Izzy.
Oh, and if anyone saw a crazy kid in a bright orange Tigers hat suddenly look up to the sky in the PetsMart parking lot today and blow a blatant kiss to a seagull circling overhead… that was me, and I’m not sorry at all.