Neifi Perez is going to be the death of me


photo by Samara Pearlstein

Are… you… f’ing… serious.

Perez is first player disciplined for testing positive for stimulant.

Nobody gets publicity for a first positive test, which means that this is the SECOND time (at least) Neifi!! has been ingesting banned substances.

Catdammit Neifi!!, stay off the freakin’ greenies!

On the one hand, at least it’s not a player that we’ll particularly miss for 25 games. On the other hand, it’s a bit of an embarrassment for the team. In a way it’s even worse if he unknowingly violated the policy, because someone on the team would then be partially responsible for not keeping the players as fully informed as they ought to be. So I actually kind of just hope this is Neifi!! being a moron all on his own.

We’ve now gone from Neifi!! being an occasional defensive help and a constant offensive wasteland to Neifi!! being little more than a dustbunny for the team. You know what I mean. Useless, a little gross, nobody quite knows how it got there, and you really just want to sweep it back under the bed from whence it came.

edit! Wait, it gets BETTER.

“I say to my fans that I am not stupid. I know the difference between good and bad and there are things that are going to be known going forward, but my lawyer has advised me not to talk for now,” Perez told the Dominican radio program Impacto Deportivo in his homeland.
AP article via ESPN

Ha ha ha ha ha ha, oh man, Neifi!! thinks he has fans!

19 responses to “Neifi Perez is going to be the death of me

  1. I keep trying to remind myself of the good he did during Verlander’s no-hitter. His powers can be used for good, not always evil.

  2. I heard about this on ESPN News this morning before I left the house, but I didn’t know what for. Neifi (or Neifi!!!, as you call him) should know better >:-o

  3. Man, you know you really suck when even taking banned substances doesn’t help. I say we vacuum this dustbunny up and move on … I’m definitely sick of Neifi.

  4. The fact that he has been taking up a major league roster spot and drawing major league pay, when that spot could have been filled by a minor leaguer… almost ANY minor leaguer… who would have done equally well, if not BETTER… ugh. Why. That’s all I ask. That’s all I’ve been asking re: Neifi!! all YEAR. WHAT is the bloody fascination major league managers seem to have with him?? Does he piss champagne? Fart fairy dust? I really don’t know! I want answers! Or I want Neifi!! off the team!

  5. I love the dust bunny analogy!

  6. Dave B Wagner

    is there any way to look at this situation that isn’t funny? ‘Cause I can’t find one.

  7. ivantopumpyouup

    “I say to my fans that I am not stupid.”
    . . . Fans?

  8. Deaner, I was searching for something as pointless as Neifi!! is.
    tiff, yeah… he gets a small pass for that. I was willing to look upon his INCREDIBLY AWFUL offensive numbers as more of a joke than an insult to the team, mostly because of that. HOWEVER, I think the fact that he’s been cheating (after already being caught and warned once! that’s the galling part) may neutralize any such immunity.
    Lauren, yes, he should.
    Dave, no.
    Ha ha, ivan, I updated at like the exact same time you posted. What a goober he is.

  9. Neifi has fans.

  10. Well, Carlos, that second link seems to be all about how much people hate Neifi!! And I do hope that the first one is ironic…

  11. Your last line literally gave me a laugh burst.
    I love the links Carlos Rubi added. Recently my daughter discovered a t-shirt online that said “Nutty for Neifi!” Oooh the mocking.

  12. I was on motownsports today, and someone said Neifi took the “substance” because he wanted to break the world record for the highest popup to second. :D He’s so bad, I never would’ve expected him to be taking that stuff. SO FUNNY!

  13. Whitney: funny. But really, is this a case of somebody taking “performance enhancing” anything? To me it seems more like a case of somebody getting paid good money to do basically nothing, and popping pills because they can and they’re freakin’ bored. It’s not like it really helped Neifi at all.
    But it’s extra depressing because when the rumors started flying about Raburn coming up, I thought–like everybody else–that Monroe was history, or was at least headed for a nice stretch on the DL with some phony injury. No such luck. Maybe next week.

  14. I wonder how thoroughly gone he must have been to turn that play in the no-no.
    I’m thinking along the lines of the movie “spun”
    yeah. yikes.

  15. Matt– I agree. He was probably taking something to help him stay awake on the bench. Heaven knows he spends (spent?) enough time there. It’s the fact that this was his second failed test that really baffles me. Either he didn’t know what he was taking was illegal or he’s just really stupid.
    I haven’t lost all hope for C-Mo yet! Maybe he’ll have a beastly second half! Although the way things have been going…yikes.

  16. Jules, exactly. I can see a Neifi!! shirt being popular in the same way that a shirt with, I dunno, Stalin’s face might be popular to the ironic hipster crowd.
    Whit, Matt, Dooley, as I understand it (which is imperfectly), amphetamines/greenies wouldn’t really help Neifi!! hit much, but they would probably help his alertness in the field. Maybe he was trying to punch up the one worthwhile aspect of his game.
    And the thing that gets me is that… OK, I understand that a lot of stuff has a lot of long chemical names in it and Neifi!! might not be expected to realize something innocuous-seeming has banned substances in it. BUT, when he tested positive the first time, shouldn’t he have stopped taking whatever it was? Shouldn’t he have… at the very least… gotten more careful about what he ingested? You know, realizing that he was now under stronger scrutiny and would undergo more frequent testing? I’m having a hard time seeing a scenario where his behavior can be explained.

  17. Yeah, but what you don’t understand is that he’s not stupid. His fans know that. :-)
    It’s all part of the plan.

  18. Right, right, I mean… THINGS ARE GOING TO BE KNOWN. I guess I can’t really talk about the story until I KNOW those THINGS. He’s very cloak-and-dagger about it all. I suppose that is his genius. :)

  19. Yes. And now that’s two straight wins in the Post Neifi Era, which just shows how well the plan is working. He knows what’s best for us.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s