photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein
I know that this will sound kind of crazy, but the worst part of this game, for me, was not when Zach Miner threw away the ball that lost us the series. That was pretty bad. Some might even call it “horrific”. But the worst part of the game for me was immediately after that, as Scott Podsednik blasted around the bases, and the Wrong Sox announcers realized what was happening.
I think the Hawk was responsible here, ‘though it could very well have been the other one. As Tigers fans stared in horror, whichever announcer it was said, in tones of deep satisfaction,
“It’s amazing sometimes what a simple bunt will do.”
The both of them then went on in this vein for a while, but I didn’t get any more quotes about how awesome bunts are and how perfectly the Wrong Sox executed this play, because after that one initial line I was screaming at the TV in a demented rage.
Yes, the Wrong Sox had to put the ball in play in order for that error to happen. Yes, Scott Podsednik’s speed also made this whole thing possible. HOWEVER.
That was an error! An ERROR! On the TIGERS! That was NOT a PERFECTLY EXECUTED WRONG SOX BUNT. It was an ERRRRRRROOOOORRRRRR!!! Zach Miner threw the ball away! It’s amazing what a simple error will do! It’s amazing what can happen when the Spazzosaurus gets his knobbly little teeth into a pitcher! It is maybe amazing what a simple bunt can do, but THIS IS NOT THE SITUATION IN WHICH TO BE AMAZED BY A BUNT, because in THIS situation, the bunt was not the amazing thing!
I don’t understand how it’s possible for these announcers to have watched the same game I did. There’s rooting for the home team, there’s homer-ism, and then there’s ridiculously and willfully ignoring the actual game in order to pretend that the home team has done something it hasn’t. They were CROWING about the PERFECT GLORIOUSNESS of the bunt! Not one mention of luck! Not one mention, even, of the Tigers’ painful recent postseason track record with pitchers and errors! Nothing except for how marvelous and clever the Wrong Sox were, to lay down so archetypal a bunt!
The fact that it’s now many hours later and I’m still stewing over this should give you some idea of how happy I am that by the time the Tigers go back to Chicago, I’ll be back at school, and thus will watch the games on Detroit TV. I don’t think I could handle another go ’round with the Hawk.
Poor Zach Miner. It’s so obvious what happened. When Podsednik got on base, it freaked Miner out. He knows perfectly well just how fast Pods is, and he knew perfectly well that the game was tied, the series was tied, everything was hanging on HIM. That’s enough to make anyone start to emit some spazz-energy. And, as we all know, the Spazzosaurus feeds off of spazz-energy.
So there was Zach Miner, silently freaking out on the mound, exuding spazz-energy hither and yon… what Spazzosaurus could resist such a feast? You almost can’t even blame the Spazzosaurus; after all, it’s just his nature.
That was that. The Spazzosaurus snuck up unseen, as Spazzosauri do, and started gnawing on Zach Miner. Miner, due to the fact that he was getting eaten by a giant invisible orange saurian, chucked the ball away over everyone’s heads. Scott Podsednik is fast. We lost the game. Justin Verlander shed a quiet little tear.
I know that everyone has losing streaks, and I know that it’s better to have one now than at the very end of the season. But, my goodness, it is BEYOND infuriating to lose two series in a row, both to division rivals, and not even to the BEST division rivals (who are, as we speak, being violated repeatedly by Manny Ramirez, much to my glee). It needs to STOP. We are playing the Angels next. I expect to be feasting gluttonously on lightly grilled rally monkeys by Sunday night.