woe is the Detroit Tigers


photo by Emily Smith

Holy freakin’ cats, stab me in the EYE. Did we just lose yet ANOTHER ballgame?

I am going to repeat this over and over to myself, like a mantra:

The Tigers have the most talented team in baseball. The Tigers have the most talented team in baseball. The Tigers have the most talented team in baseball. The Tigers have the most talented team in baseball. The Tigers have the most talented team in baseball. The Tigers have the most talented team in baseball. The Tigers have the most talented team in baseball. The Tigers have the most talented team in baseball. The Tigers have the most talented team in baseball. The Tigers have the most talented team in baseball. The Tigers have the most talented team in baseball. The Tigers have the most talented team in baseball. The Tigers have the most talented team in baseball.

THAT SAID….

The Tigers have an INJURED team right now. Kenny Rogers is on the DL, Joel Zumaya is on the DL, Andrew Miller is on the DL, Marcus Thames is on the DL, Vance Wilson is on the DL (I know, I know, shut up), Gary Sheffield is NOT on the DL but is definitely injured, Jeremy Bonderman is NOT on the DL but may as well be for the first inning of every game he pitches for the rest of eternity.

The Tigers also have a SLUMPING team right now. The bats have not been much raked over by injuries, but they are deathly quiet these days, and I know that they’re capable of so much more– we ALL know this– but for whatever reason they’ve just got themselves into a mire. Logically, I am sure we all know this. Logically.

Because of the definite ability of the team to play great baseball if they really felt like it, I still feel safe declaring this the most FRUSTRATING slump EVER. I speak with the assured authority of the short-sighted.

Were we seriously just swept by the Wrong Sox? Are the Yankees seriously riding up on us in the Wild Card race? UGH. Stab me in the eye AGAIN.

While we’re on the topic of failure, MVN’s own Catbird has a lil’ somethin’-somethin’ on the subject of Neifi!! I would quote it here but the Catbird really gives you everything we have to go on. Basically, if what Neifi!! says is true, then there is a major problem with the testing procedures (i.e, not informing a player of a first positive test in enough time to let him change his behavior before administering a second or third test).

Howeverrrrr, after saying that he’d been diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed medication (which he’s blaming the positive tests on) Neifi!! also says this:

I went to two different drug stores and they wouldn’t sell me the medicine, so someone from the team told me I could use any amphetamine and I started using something else.
ESPNDeportes.com, via Catbird (he didn’t provide a link, and a glance at the ESPND MLB homepage doesn’t help me find it)

Maybe that’s true. But, really, someone from the team told him to just use any old amphetamine? I find that KIND OF hard to believe, given the tenor of today’s “drugs in baseball aaaaggghhh the sky is falling” world. And I am confused: if he had been prescribed legal medication, by a real doctor, why would “two different drug stores” refuse to give him medication? Anyone else find that more than passing strange?

The Neifi!! plot thickens.

5 responses to “woe is the Detroit Tigers

  1. Oh man, that picture makes me want to cry.

  2. Not only is this slump testing the will and integrity and grit and all that other crap of our dear tiger cats, it is testing the will and integrity and gumption and all that crap of me! It’s interfering with my sleep and joy of life!!

  3. Is his prescription from the Dominican, maybe? Not that any of this bothers me in any way. Good riddance to him.

  4. Correct me if I’m wrong, but stabbin’ yourself in the eye is EXACTLY the kind of self-destructive behavior the Tigers can’t afford right now!
    Awesome photo by Em. Double awesome.
    And that Bonderman graphic and stat-crunching – pure genius. If the Tigers were playing half as well as your blog, you wouldn’t have anything funny to write about!

  5. Re: the photo, I know, right? Em’s got an eye, what can I say.
    tiff, seriously. I’m not sure how many posts I can make out of “I am sick and tired of losing” before it starts to get depressingly repetitive.
    Jeff, I don’t see why it would be. If he was talking to the team about it (i.e. not doing it on his own), I would assume it had come from American doctors. I don’t think the team would like players consulting Dominican doctors (or any doctors that the team wasn’t sure about).
    I dunno, farlane, maybe stabbing myself in the eye would fire up the team and get them going again? It’s a possibility that might have to be explored. :)

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