photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein
….don’t start. I’m well aware that rays are not fish (nor are sharks, from whom Mr. Shields up there got his teeth). But “Tigers eaten alive by ferocious chondrichthians” just doesn’t sound as snappy.
I suppose this is some sort of cosmic punishment for most everyone complaining about that last win. “Ha!” Baseball Fate says. “You think you have any right to say you’re upset because the right pitcher didn’t get the win? You should be thankful for any wins at all! HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW, KITTIES!”
Chad Durbin didn’t even pitch all THAT poorly. We got victimized by, of all things, a Devil Ray pitcher. I mean, um, possibly all of our relief pitchers except for Miner gave up at least one run. Possibly Macay McBride was painful to watch. But mostly James Shields tore through the Tigers lineup like it was nothing more than a bucket of delicious chum.
The lone run he gave up was to Placido Polanco. Now, we ALL know that when Polanco hits a ball out of the park, it’s a serious mistake on the part of the pitcher. Nothing against Polanco, but he doesn’t have a home run swing or a home run approach (and we love him for it!), so when he does manage to golf one, it’s USUALLY a sign of a gravely weakened opponent. Most unfortunately, this was not the case with Shields, for whom it was just a momentary lapse. Who knows. Maybe he let his guard down and was temporarily dazzled by Polanco’s good looks.
I don’t want to anger the Baseball Fates again. So I’ll be contrite. We’re very, very sorry, Baseball. We didn’t mean to treat winning so lightly. A Tiger win is a precious jewel and although we very much enjoy having a whole lot of them in one giant gleaming pile, we will also treasure and every individual one. No matter whose name is written on it. Honest.
Now we’ve got an afternoon matchup between Bondo and Kazmir. Great matchup on paper. But if Bondo lets the first inning get to him again… well, let’s not even say it and just hope for the best, eh?