Andrew Miller pulls a Bondo


the horrifying Bondermiller, by Samara Pearlstein

Look, I know that we want our vets teaching the kids and sharing their acquired baseball knowledge. But today was just a LITTLE much. Five hits and five runs in 0.2 innings? Was I watching Andrew Miller out there or was I watching Jeremy Bonderman make a surprise start just to torment us all? Perhaps the two of them melded into some kind of terrifying Bondermiller, combining the most awkward aspects of Miller’s uber-rookie status with Bondo’s first inning allergy.

For once, we have to give the bullpen credit. The Royals only got 5 runs tonight, and they all came before the first inning was done. It was a shutout after that. Miller had an ugly outing… about as ugly as you can get, really. But the bullpen gave the offense EVERY chance to come back.

Zack Greinke looked like the Zack Greinke that other teams used to regularly fear and desire, not the Zack Greinke who doesn’t know where he is when he suddenly finds himself on a pitching mound. He only went 4 innings, but that was because he was on a pitch count, and I guess 70 was his limit (he threw 71). Their bullpen, sadly, was just as shutout-happy as ours was.

We’re 4.5 games back now and I blame, in order, starting with the most:

– askdljfhadsfjjkljdf Racist Logos
– the horrible Bondermiller
– the offense
– Royals pitching
– Royals batters
– Tigers injuries
– the Yankees
– the hot weather
– that damn flu virus
– pants

9 responses to “Andrew Miller pulls a Bondo

  1. Extra blame to the Yankees for not taking the spazzasaurus with them, even though they promised.

  2. That’s freaky… and he shaved his head too!

  3. Looking past this season, send these boy-men to winter ball with a special coach. Learn, develop and master a 3rd or 4th pitch. Then have them go down to spring training the day after New Years for the same. The bus is leaving early this year! Throw in Mr. Verlander too. With all their millions and the Tigers hundreds of millions they certainly can afford it. I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore! Just kidding. But I just may have good idea for a pre-season clinic with all the boys that are beginning to look alike. (see above as evidence) Hire some pitching experts that can teach!

  4. Creepy. So, if Bondo and Miller mated and had a biologically improbable baby…

  5. Bondemiller is more attractive than Bondo or Miller. Which, yay, because I was thinking about that instead of the pitching or the defense or being all these freaking games back and ZOMG. Okay, back to Bondemiller, biologically improbably hottie.

  6. Let’s not have the Bondermiller go around with the first innings of baseball games. I saw Timo Perez playing last night, and I thought he was a Pony Leaguer, a kid, or both… :-O

  7. tiff, extra blame to the Yankees for EVERYTHING.
    Deaner, I know. It’s like he was trying to BE Bondo…. which, under normal circumstances, would be great, but the version of Bondo he chose to be is not one anyone should be emulating.
    Larry, the problem with something like that is the fact that then you’ve got these kids throwing pitches all year ’round. I expect a plan like that would cause some late-season fatigue to kick in exactly when you least want it to.
    PfP, exactly. Now, which one would carry the baby to term? That’s the interesting/creepy question…
    K, “biologically improbable hottie” may be my new favorite phrase.
    Lauren, maybe in the future we can have first innings just excised from the game entirely. That would be best.

  8. “PfP, exactly. Now, which one would carry the baby to term? That

  9. …. what’s the reasoning there? Child-bearing hips? (‘tho of course we all know that’s Zito…)

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