photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein
Wave goodbye to the division title, kids and kittens! Watch it flutter away on little politically-incorrect wings of Cleveland Racist Logo red and white. Wave your little padded paws! There it goes! Off to Ohio! Bye bye, little pennant!
Gee whizz, one of these days we’ll get that pesky pennant! *aw-shucks-style finger snap*
I am totally cheerful! I am enjoying baseball! I am enjoying the celebrations of the filthy Ohioan cretins! I am enjoying speculation about ARod’s signing already! Look. At. My. Grin.
I mean, today we even won! Pretty cool, right? Marcus Thames totally saved our rumps by blasting TWO home runs. That’s one more than one home run, mind you, and in the same game that’s a lot. Clearly Marcus Thames is some kind of offensive hero.
Too bad that we’re locked out of the division and, at 5.5 back from the Yankees, mostly locked out of the playoffs entire. As has been said a thousand times, it would take a positively WACKY collapse to get us in there. Wackier things have happened in baseball, but not MUCH wackier.