Paws in the offseason

photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

It’s a very quiet time of year, and it’s at times like these that our minds turn to that scruffy, misshapen mass of orange fur that we all know and adore/fear: Paws. What DOES Paws do in the offseason?

The real answer, of course, is that he does charity events and for-hire parties and incredibly boring things of that nature. I like to think that, instead, the offseason is the time Paws uses to further his mastery of the English language through poetry. Truly we do have the most literary of mascots.

Straight from the writing table of Paws, deep within the hallways of Comerica Park, I present to you, the obviously good-taste-possessing Roar of the Tigers reader, these glorious feline mascotian haikus:

My suit grows moldy;
My fur becomes all ragged.
Need better storage.

All I want for this
Holiday season is a
Healthy new pitcher.

Bonderman must learn
How to pitch the first inning:
Or else I eat him.

Hard is the mascot’s
Life. They don’t even give me
Any kind of pants.

Wish I could grow out
My hair like Magglio does.
Alas: only fur.

O Joel Zumaya,
I wrap you in bubble wrap.
It’s for your own good.

Winter is always
Far too long without baseball.
Hate working part-time.

4 responses to “Paws in the offseason

  1. mascotian! ha!
    miss you too paws.

  2. One of the joys of being a baseball blogger is the opportunity to make up absurd words and have other people immediately understand them. :)

  3. Ohhhh Zumaya! He does need bubble wrap something awful. :(

  4. Maybe we can organize a dedicated group of fans to track him down and bubble wrap him.

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