falling apart the Detroit way

photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

I would say that getting outscored 18 to 0 over the course of a weekend can definitely be stuffed into the FALLING APART drawer in the armoire of BASEBALL SHAME COMPARTMENTS.

This weekend was awful. Well, not for me– I went to 4 art show openings, a book signing, and an orchid show– but there were no such happy events for the Tigers. No, there was only PAIN and SUFFERING and FALLING DOWN IN THE RAIN and ALMOST BEING NO-HIT BY GAVIN FREAKING FLOYD and GIVING UP EVER SO MANY GRAND SLAMS. No cheerfully pretentious gallery chatter for Justin Verlander and no hybrid Phalaenopsis for Kenny Rogers, alas.

On Saturday, Verlander pitched a damn good game right up until the 8th, when he suddenly couldn’t take it anymore and imploded. Whatever. The weather was terrible and pouring rain and cold, which isn’t the most ideal setting for a pitcher (although it sure didn’t seem to bother Floyd any). There’s still no way the offense should have been as dead as it was; I’m talking dead to the tune of TWO PIDDLING HITS all game long, one each by Edgar Renteria and Brandon Inge. Nobody else had a hit. Nobody! What does that say about the Tigers’ offense? When will I stop having to flail around frantically when discussing this??

Sunday was a more clean implosion, with Kenny neatly taking himself apart on the mound. Four walks in four innings is not acceptable. It was hard to watch, like watching a zombie stagger around with bits and pieces falling off him. Just in case an inability to find the strikezone wasn’t enough for us, Kenny also gave up a grand slam, closely followed by Miner ALSO giving up a grand slam. That is 8 runs in a very short period of time. The offense, feeling as anemic as usual, did absolutely nothing to alleviate the sheer embarrassment.

Nothing is on track and nobody is getting it on track right now. We CAN’T spend all of April stumbling along like this. Aside from the damage that would do to our record and place in the standings, it would also potentially cause me to completely lose my mind.

8 responses to “falling apart the Detroit way

  1. poor fundamentals
    bad bullpen
    aging rotation that is pitching too long into games
    coming off career years from your offense
    can’t manufacture a run if power is not on
    This isn’t piling on it’s an explanation- the Tiger fans were duped into believing this was ever a serious contender. Maybe you can pull it together and get to 500 maybe 3rd place but at this point the danger is implosion-I think Leyland is too good a manager to allow that- so the offense will get going- though they aren’t the best in the AL- and the pitching probably won’t. Hope Cabrera has some professional integrity-his attitude in the field is sad-I fear he’s the first to tank it.

  2. OK, first, lol at Kenny’s face falling off.
    Second, yeah, this sucks. I gotta agree with Leshnock though: this has to turn around. It HAS to. I mean, think about it, what’s the worst that happens to us? 2003. This is not the 2003 team. There’s almost no way they play like that team did.

  3. i was almost afraid to click over from my rss reader to see the picture of the day. Ew, Kenny. Keep it together.
    Also, I would love a WTF Tigers t-shirt (I’ve seen the Grilli one, but I think the exclamation is deserving of the whole team at this point.)

  4. I am convinced that we will turn this around soon. But what an ugly start to the season.

  5. Well, I mean, statistically, we almost HAVE to turn it around. At some point. Soon? But the longer we go on like this the more the stupid irrational emotional/mental business is going to start getting to the team, and I’m not so sure statistics will mean as much at that point.

  6. OK. Out of the loop this evening with school and work and whatnot, but I just looked at the line score of tonight’s contest. And I guess I’m happy, but seriously, what the hell happened? That must’ve been one bizarre game. I look forward to seeing what people make of it.

  7. gbewing, I still admire your comments as a reverse psychology kind of thing, but c’mon now. Duped into believing this team was a contender? This team IS a contender, STILL, even with their less-than-sparkling record. Why? Because it’s bloody early and nobody else in the Central is 14-0. And hey, we’re no longer the worst team in the majors: now we’re TIED with the Nats! :D
    PfP, I tend to agree. I don’t think these kinds of players can replicate 2003 unless there’s a LOT of injurin’ going on.
    tiff, heh, I tried to keep it clean too! There’s a gorier version sitting on my harddrive.
    Matt, it was def. weird, but a happy weird.

  8. hi nice post, i enjoyed it

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s