19 runs for the Tigers tonight

photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Screw the concept of punning or clever post titles. I reckon that says it all. In fact, it bears saying again: 19 runs for the Tigers tonight.

This was another game that looked like it might go to bad unhappy places. Kenny did not look great. I would say that he did not even look good. He looked pretty freaking terrible. Six runs in 3.1 innings, EW. When your starter does that, you’re not supposed to go on to win the game.

This, however, is the Detroit Tigers offense that was hyped up all winter. THIS, right here, what we just saw in tonight’s game. The crazy hit parade, up and down the line– the only guy in the starting lineup who didn’t have a hit today was Ramon Santiago, and HE managed to score 3 runs anyways. Carlos Guillen was 3-for-4 with 5 RBI. Curtis Granderson, in his first game back with the team, was 2-for-4 with 2 RBI and 2 walks. Hell, Paws walked onto the field and hit a triple off of Wes Littleton, and we ALL know Paws can’t run for beans.

I almost feel bad. I mean, not that bad, because very obviously the Tigers need this parade o’ bats, and obviously the Tigers need the wins, but it’s just as obvious that the Rangers are having SERIOUS problems right now and it’s not all that satisfying to beat the Texas out of them when that’s the case. A home run against a Rangers bullpen so shaky that it’s practically a geologic fault line looks the same as a home run against Mariano Rivera in the box score, but the batter who hits a homer against Rivera can feel like he’s really DONE something.

When we put up 11 runs in a single inning, against guys with enormously bloated ERAs, have we really DONE something? You know what I mean?

Aw, what the hell, the Tigs put up 19 runs tonight. Feast your eyes on THAT, disbelievers.

Things Rod Allen said tonight:

Rod describes Renteria’s fielding by saying that he’s one of those guys who ‘has a biological clock in his head’. Rod, I do not think that phrase means what you think it means.

Rod: “He is the straw… that stirs the drink.” (the ellipses don’t indicate speech left out, they indicate Rod’s actual dramatic pause)

Mario: “I thought that was Reggie Jackson.”

Rod: “It’s Curtis now.”

Also (this is me, not Rod Allen), I want to point out that at this precise moment in time, the Texas Rangers have on their roster players named German Duran, Franklyn German, and Frank Francisco. I find this endlessly cheaply amusing. Just wanted to point that out.