o magical day, the Tigers have achieved .500!


photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

This will have to be somewhat brief’n’choppy, because I didn’t even get home until after 1 am and wat i dont no how to maek wordz no morr.

For the first time all season, the Tigers have won baseball games as often as they have lost them. Our heartache is balanced by our… heart-joy! The glass is evenly split between fullness and emptiness! The utter filth of the start of the season has been answered with some squeaky clean good play in this past month! Happiness and sadness dwelling within the same batch of ballplayers! Perfectly average mediocrity! .500! .500! .500!

Man, if only we were in the NL West. We’d be GOLDEN right now.

Stuff I am totally unable to work into connected paragraphs at 2 am:

–Magglio left with an oblique spasm. WHAT DID WE EVER DO TO THE GOD OF OBLIQUES, SERIOUSLY. Sheff, Inge, and now Maggs? This is the worst season in the history of the Baseballverse for Tiger obliques. I swear to cats, if Leyland pulls an oblique tomorrow during a deep-lung coughing fit, we’re going to have to take drastic measures.

–Freddy Dolsi’s first win! Awww, we pat him on his fuzzy wittle Tiger head.

–Rollercoaster Jones’ first blown save. No fond head pats for him on this day.

–Jason Grilli: somehow still weak horses**t.

–Another solid outing from Fernando. Maybe the tiger yelling at him helped? We do what we can to help here at RotT.

–JUSTIN STOP THROWING SO MANY PITCHES SERIOUSLY JUST STOP 118 PITCHES IS TOO MANY IF YOU’RE NOT EVEN GETTING THROUGH 6 INNINGS AND I DON’T CARE HOW SOLID THOSE 5.2 INNINGS ARE, THEY ARE STILL 5.2 INNINGS. I know Jeff Francis threw a lot of pitches too, but this is a recurring issue with Justin and it is NOT OK ANYMORE. It’s for your own good, Justin! Leyland can’t do anything to help preserve your arm if you’re going to be so bloody inefficient!

–Ryan Raburn with the grand slam! That’s gotta feel good, especially with all the yo-yoing the Tigers’ AAAA-type guys have had to do this season. At least he can sleep secure in the knowledge that there wasn’t much more he could have done tonight to demonstrate his worth on the big league roster.

–Miguel Cabrera with the walk-off! We’ve had quite a few of these lately, which is not great– I’d rather win games in the 4th inning; a series of walk-offs seems awfully flukey and unsustainable– but nervewracking as they are, they’re still undeniably enjoyable when they turn out for your team. And anything that makes Miggy feel more comfortable here is good, because the more comfortable he gets the better he’s playing (with the bat and the glove both. He’s made some really nice grabs at first lately, although of course he’s still needing work on some of it, especially knowing how to position his body in response to various different plays).

–From Friday: Eddie Bonine, wtf? Eight innings, one earned run? Skow! The kid has surprised his last two times out.

Tomorrow Kenny goes up against some Rocky I don’t know at all but man that facial hair is awkward. Ouch. Maybe he will be too embarrassed of his own chin to properly hold a baseball. Potential yay! Go Tigers!

11 responses to “o magical day, the Tigers have achieved .500!

  1. I doubt anybody cares but I believe Nick Trzesniak, catcher for the Mud Hens, also went down with an oblique injury. They’re all the rage this year all around the league.

  2. I don’t even have an oblique! I don’t understand how they get so strained!

  3. Wow, the game last night was going along so swimmingly then Jonesy came in. The crowd was roaring… and stuck with him right up until the 6th run came in to score. The rain had started up and the boos rained down. Half the crowd must have left then not even waiting around for fireworks. Then our cats started rallying and the rain stopped… and lo and behold Miguel came up with the big hit and all was right in Kat-dom. Fireworks of victory are much better than fireworks of sorrow.

  4. The Jonesercoster scares me.

  5. For the love of cats, keep Magglio away from his kids’ pillows!

  6. Grilli mowed us down in both appearances, actuall — served the crowd right for booing like a bunch of 12 year olds.

  7. Milton Signed-Rank

    5-0 on Sundays in June! Winless on Sundays prior to June! The Tigers are subtly telling us to discard religion as it is a roadblock to true enlightenment (and W’s).

  8. Bah, after what Grilli said about the Tigers clubhouse he deserved all the boos he got, I only wish we’d been able to watch him get shelled over the weekend.

  9. Paul, believe me, he was getting booed at Comerica for about a year before he was even traded :)

  10. Matt: FREAKIN’ SCARY.
    tiff, I am growing convinced that they don’t get strained. They strain themselves, because clearly they’re all Wrong Sox fans.
    Paul, just goes to show, you gotta stick around if you can!
    David, it scares us all. I definitely have some images to that effect, heh. But let’s be fair to Jonesy: he’s been way more on than off so far this season, even with this rather, er, sizable blip.
    heitk1le, alas, there are many ways to infuriate the cruel and capricious god of the obliques.
    dave, paul: I was ambivalent on the booing before– I’m not really one of those ‘give the home team guys your undying support because they deserve it intrinsically!’ people, and I definitely understood the frustration with Grilli and his inability to pitch in an enormous freakin’ ballpark, buuuuut it was also getting a little like booing just for booing’s sake. But he really should not have expected anything less after those comments. Even if they got blown out of proportion, it was still a boneheaded thing for him to do.
    Milton, if only getting the religious hegemony out of baseball was so simple. ;)

  11. I guess I didn’t say this before, but good gawd is two-faced Magglio terrifying. Even with the sunglasses missing on one half it looks scarily natural…

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