Dane Sardinha rides the Rocky dinosaur


illustration by Samara Pearlstein

I think this is the first dinosaur-related post on RotT that wasn’t in some way referring to the Spazzosaurus. A landmark occasion!

For the first time EVER this year the Tigers have been OVER .500! I am so consumed by excitement that I do not even know what to do with myself. Over .500, why, that means…. that means that we win MORE than we lose. Did that seem like a possible thing at the end of May? No. No, it did not. It took the death of Jeremy Bonderman to energize the Tigers to this point. Of course that was an unfortunate event but at least something good has come from the senseless tragedy.

There were many good things today. There was Kenny, whose pitching was solid after the 2nd inning and whose fielding was, let us not put too fine a point on it, WICKED HOT. When he covered first on that play where Miggy had to field the ball between first and second and so Kenny had to make a big first baseman-style stretch with his back foot on the bag to get the out? That was hot. And when a ball was hit back at him going 500 mph and he stuck his glove out as cool as you please, plucked the screaming linedrive from midair, and flipped it to the infielders like, hey, ain’t no thang? That was also hot.

I am not usually the kind of blogger who goes all squee! on Kenny Rogers, but if you did not squee at those plays, it is probable that you do not know how to squee at all.

And then we got two scoreless innings out of Freddy Dolsi, and the Rollercoaster earned his name once again by completely forgetting about his previous outing to get a perfect save today. This is why he is Rollercoaster Jones. He can give up 709 runs one night, something that would completely traumatize most pitchers to the point where they’d have to go back to double-A to get over it, and he can carry on like it never happened. This should be the only thing that people mean when they talk about the Closer Mentality: the pitching-specific amnesia. I know that people talk about bulldogs and crocodiles and other tenacious things when they talk about closers too, but I’ve never seen someone bulldog their way past a bad outing. What would that even entail? Peeing on a tree stump? Biting the neck of an umpire until it snapped?

A moderate amount of hitting accompanied these pitching marvels, but really the best bit was the one illustrated up top: Dane Sardinha, ridin’ that purple dinosaur. Mr. Sardinha got his very first big league hit against the fairly hapless Rockies pitching. I say ‘fairly hapless’ because not only did DANE SARDINHA, a dude who has basically never hit at any level, get a hit off of them, but it was a TWO-RUN TRIPLE. Nice way to get your first hit, for sure, although if he ever does it again I will have to do a happy little jig of utter disbelief.

Oh, and Magglio is on the DL. I know it seems kind of extreme, given the fact that Sheff played through his oblique injury for a while, and Inge did the same, but truthfully this is what SHOULD have been done with both those guys. Sheff would have been DLed long before he was if only he wasn’t so stubborn, and Inge would have been DLed long before he was if we had had another catcher. Hopefully the prompt DL designation of Maggs will let his oblique heal more quickly than Sheff’s and Inge’s.

Tomorrow the Tigs return to games against the non-imaginary league, although they’ll be in the Metrodome, which is probably at least partially imaginary. Arrrrrrmando goes up against Glen Perkins, whose name makes it sound like he should be working in a cubicle somewhere. It’s at 8:10 because it’s in one of those fake timezones people keep telling me about. Lies, all lies. Go Tigers!

11 responses to “Dane Sardinha rides the Rocky dinosaur

  1. So this is what it is like… when doves cry.

  2. Dane looked like he was in as much disbelief as the rest of us when he pulled up at third to chat with Gene Lamont.

  3. So, I think you owe Dane an apology. I believe you said he didn’t even have a bat.

  4. Magglio’s on the DL; I reckon Dane had to be borrowing one of his bats. ‘Cause you don’t hit triples with handfuls of cooked spaghetti. Or even UNCOOKED spaghetti, really. And, c’mon, I gave him a dinosaur to ride. That’s what passes for admiration here at RotT.

  5. and he threw a runner out! he must’ve used Pudgy’s glove.

  6. Milton Signed-Rank

    Dane “Hawaiians always look 10 years older than they really are” Sardinha looked fine behind the plate, so I can live with him hitting .200 for a few weeks until Inge can return (and, uh, hit maybe 20 or so points better….).

  7. There is something very cool about having a Hawaiian catcher. No problem, man. Since Inge is DL, Dane is my new favorite Tiger.

  8. I’m Glen Perkins, and I want to be your real estate agent.

  9. Leslie Monteiro

    Looking forward for the big 3-game set tonight between Twins and the Tigers. As a fan and a writer, I can’t wait to watch. Nice to have a big series in the summer.

  10. I looove the stirrups Dane is wearing in your illustration. Hopefully he’ll take the hint. ;)

  11. Not only is he Hawaiian, but his whole family’s got cool names. Dane, Duke, and Bronson. Freakin’ awesome.
    dave, PRECISELY. It just sounds so RIGHT!
    Leslie, well, yeah, it IS a big series, but of course there are big series in the summer….?
    Colt, I do what I can to encourage proper sock habits. ;)

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