Eddie Bonine meets the American League


photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Heeeeeey, Eddie! Wow, it’s great to meetcha! I’m the American League! Welcome to me!

*inaudible muttering*

Sorry Eddie, didn’t quite catch that. What’dja say there?

*more muttering about already playing with an American League team*

Oh Edster, no no, that ain’t how it works! See, you’re a pitcher, what counts is when you pitch AGAINST an American League team!

*embarrassed silence*

Aw heck, you don’t mean… you didn’t think it was ALL like the National League, didja? Awwww, I’m sorry, kid. It can be rough over here for a pitcher, yeah, I know it.

*embarrassed silence*

Hey, hey. It ain’t just you, yanno? Lotsa guys, um, give up 7 hits and 2 walks and 5 runs in 2.2 innings. Happens to everyone sooner or later!

*mumbles that only 2 runs were earned*

Sure! See, there ya go. It ain’t so bad.

*quietly asks why HIS bats weren’t so good if the bats are good in the AL*

Well. Well. Stuff happens, yanno? I mean, Nick Blackburn happens to your team sometimes! And then whaddya gonna do? Joe Nathan happens, whaddya gonna do? It ain’t pretty when it does happen, but you just gotta shake it off and look to tomorrow. I mean, who you guys playing tomorrow?

*mumbles ‘the Mariners’*

OK! So that’s what you gotta do, you just forget about the Nick Blackburns and the Carlos Gomezes of the world and you go out there and hope you can handle the team with the worst record in, well, me.

*melancholy sigh*

Look on the upside, kid: you still got better numbers than Nate Robertson.

*visibly brightens*

That’s the spirit!

10 responses to “Eddie Bonine meets the American League

  1. Leslie Monteiro

    The Tigers are going to have to get a starter come trade deadline if they want to be taken seriously as a contender in the AL Central. The Twins were able to win the series because they were feasting on couple of subpar starters in Robertson and Bonine. Verlander and Galarraga are reliable, but I just think Detroit needs one more starter to keep up with Chicago, who can trot out 5 good starters.
    I had a feeling that the Twins would win the series because of who Detroit was trotting out on the mound Tuesday night and Wednesday afternoon.

  2. So is the AL eagle shaking his hand or ripping his arm off?

  3. I didn’t really think about the fact that the ‘bovine’ boy had only gone against the “Senior Circuit” as Rod puts it, until today’s game intro, at which point I said a quiet “uh-oh” to myself. Using Aquilino or getting Freddy Garcia as a number 5 starter are beginning to look like better and better ideas!
    Lets hope Mr. Ilitch is willing to open the dollar spigot a little bit further! What’s another few drops added to a torrent? :)

  4. I apologize for the numerous, and inconsistently used type of quotations in the prior post.

  5. Leslie Monteiro

    Just who the Tigers have in the farm system that teams would want, Phil? That’s the next question. Porcello is out of the question, and rightfully so. They should try to get Freddie Garcia soon if they are really serious. Willis is a lost cause.

  6. Even the greatest of pitchers suffer losses. This has nothing to do with what league the opposing team is in. Ridiculous notion……..

  7. Leslie, it would be nice if the Tigs could get a 4/5 type guy by the deadline, but then again if wishes were fishes we’d all be eating cod.
    PfP, they’re supposed to be shaking hands, but really it works either way. ;)
    Phil, yeah, it’s OK, RotT is a space of free punctuation mark abuse.
    Janean, NL average BA: .258, AL average BA: .264. NL average OPS: .738, AL average OPS: .742. Ridiculous notion!

  8. Sometimes, I want to slap the rollercoaster in his little bundled up, mitten-encased face. Sometimes.

  9. my html was rudely stripped from my last comment by MVN, or their evil surrogates. anyway, here is what I intended to post.
    http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j19/halo0/TFJ_mittens.jpg

  10. Awwww no, you can’t post that photo and then expect us to be MAD at Jonesy. It’s not physically possible. Lookit him n’awwwwww!

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