Miguel Cabrera is the Puma


photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Why didn’t anyone tell me that Miguel Cabrera is in some circles nicknamed ‘the Puma’ (not, I don’t think, ‘the Big Puma’, which is Lance Berkaman)??? THIS IS VITAL INFORMATION, PEOPLE! Plus it meant that during today’s game we got the following glorious series of exchanges between Rod and Mario…

Mario: You know what a puma is, right?
Rod: *uncertain pause* Cat. *another pause* Big cat.
Mario: Jamie Walker’s nickname was ‘the Cat’.
Rod: Uh huh!
Mario: Not the big cat. More like medium cat. *pause* Medium-sized cat.

Oh man you guys I love baseball so hard.

The Puma went yard twice off of Racist Logos pitching today, which is excellent, because the Puma still cannot run much on his bum hip. After each home run he lumbered around the bases, returned to the dugout, and consumed a deer haunch. He then buried the rest of the deer carcass under the pitching mound so that he could come back to eat it tomorrow (true puma behavior FACT!).

The River Thames, sensing competition, also homered, as is his wont. It was one of those ridiculous little afterthought bat-flips that makes you squeal in high-pitched appreciation for The River’s power, because a swing like that should in no way result in a home run, especially in a park like Comerica. There is of course no telling how The River’s power will hold up after the All Star break, but he is certainly seizing his moment as best he can.

To add insult to the already emotionally injured Racist Logo pitching, Pudge also homered. Pudge this season has all the power of a pygmy marmoset (this was only his 4th home run, and pygmy marmosets have wee tiny hands that can barely hold baseball bats), so if the R.L. pitchers weren’t already planning to cry themselves to sleep tonight, this would have cemented it.

I must say that I was pleased to see the R.L.s wearing their alternate hats for this game. I find it much easier to spend 9 innings looking at that swoopy I, as opposed to the horrific Chief Wahoo.

ALSO THIS HAPPENED:

Their afternoon visitor didn’t seem like a good sign. With rain forcing the Tigers inside for batting practice, they were in the cage when someone heard the sounds of a cat’s meow. Matt Joyce grabbed a chair, took a look above the cage and inside the stadium and found a black kitten tangled in wires and cables.

Joyce and some teammates took the kitten into the clubhouse and fed it a little. Then Tigers personnel found an animal rescue program to help out. But the superstition was not lost.

Some players got a kick out of it. Others stayed away. Starting pitcher Justin Verlander stayed away because he’s allergic to cats. Cabrera avoided it for the superstition.

“I thought that was hilarious,” Joyce said. “I said, ‘Yeah, this thing’s gonna bring us good luck.'”
Jason Beck/MLB.com article

DEAR MATT JOYCE,
WE LOVE YOU FOREVER.
-ROAR OF THE TIGERS

Although it’s very disappointing to hear that Justin is allergic to cats. I guess this could explain some of his struggles this season… Paws needs to stop with the pregame hugs.

Wednesday’s game is at 7 pm EDT and pits Eddie Bonine against Paul Byrd. Misspelled cows vs. misspelled avians! ANIMAL FIGHT!! Go Tigers!

13 responses to “Miguel Cabrera is the Puma

  1. omg that image of the miggypuma
    omg matt joyce
    omg omg

  2. Matt Joyce – friend to all creatures great and small… well maybe just small.

  3. We are 100% certain that it was a kitten and not some other small furry creature such as a hamster?
    Ohhh..now I am wondering if Verlander might also be allergic to hamsters?

  4. The story would be even better if Matt took said kitten home with him instead of sending it to a rescue …

  5. okay I want that kitten. Or I want to be that kitten.
    And the Puma and that picture will give me infinite LOLZ. YES.
    Puma Time!

  6. I think the kitten will find a good home… it’s famous!

  7. PfP, :)
    David, small… helpless… adorable…
    Jen, we are fairly certain it was a kitten. The hamsters have been around but they’re supposed to be Jim Leyland’s, so presumably they’re in his office. ;)
    Colt, it would have been PERFECT… but I dunno, maybe he has a dog? or is not ready to take care of a furry kid just yet.
    tiff, just imagine, you’re a tiny kitten… you’re cold and wet from the rain… you get all tangled up in these ropes and things, so you start crying out in fear in your tiny kitten voice… and then you’re being lifted out and cuddled by Matt Joyce. BEST STORY IN THE WORLD.
    Stacey, yeah, and kittens are usually adopted more easily than adult cats anyhow. If it was cute enough to charm Matt Joyce I’m sure it’ll be cute enough to charm its way into a permanent home. :)

  8. I didn’t know before last night that Miggy was called The Puma either, I think this was the first time it was mentioned. Listening to Rod and Mario is so much fun at times that it should almost be illegal. Rod’s reaction after Marcus’ dinger would be another good example in addition to the exchange you noted above!

  9. “Samela”??? Come on now, Ian…
    http://www.blessyouboys.com/2008/7/9/567949/animal-precinct-detroit-ti
    I set him straight for you :)

  10. Oh yeah, and like when someone (was it Miggy again?) busted his bat, prompting Rod Allen to say, “Died a hero.”
    Ian knows how to say my name properly, he just calls me Samela to piss me off and further escalate the toothy rivalry between MVN and SB Nation sites. ;)

  11. And did no one get a photo of the little guy? Not one lousy cellofone shot for us Tiger-and-kitty lovers to awww over? :(

  12. Great image, Sam. Go Tigers!

  13. Less, I know, it’s really the one thing we need to complete the story and make it perfect. It sure is a lovely mental image, though…
    h2o, thanks!

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