photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein
Man I am so angry about this game. It’s not even that I’m mad at Todd Jones or anything, because he’s Rollercoaster Jones for a reason, he’s gonna do this every so often, and to his credit he’s probably over it by now because he never psyches himself out. It would be like getting pissed off at the sky for being blue.
No, I’m just all directionlessly angry and if this game was a tangible thing I’d put it in a corner and throw heavy books at it until I ran out of heavy books. Which would take a really long time, because I have a lot of books and many of them are heavy.
(I mean, just chucking the Neal Stephensons at it would do considerable damage, and then we’d get into the Dickens…)
It’s just. ARRGH! Stupid freaking Twins! I JUST watched the Red Sox take their MAPLE HAMMERS OF BOSTONIAN DOOM to the Twins, and then I had to watch THIS. Slowey gave up 6 runs in 3.2 innings, and they had to bring in 5 separate relievers to finish out the game… none of which gave up a single solitary run. I object on the basis of some noble principle or other. Sigh.
On the plus side, Matt Joyce homered again, giving yet more cred to the theory that caring for kittens leads to batting power. Who knows… throwing Edgar Renteria into a giant pit of kittens may be the only way to save him.
The whole ‘Christmas in July’ thing, if you didn’t happen to see the game, was fairly underwhelming. Paws was in a Santa suit, and at one point he came up to the booth for an interview with Rod and Mario, where he presented them with Santa hats and candy canes, and the audience learned that there is no good way to interview a giant anthropomorphic tiger that can’t talk. It was all very ‘eh’.
Of course I’m not going to get too hyped up about ‘Christmas in July’ anyways, since I don’t even do Christmas in December.
There was one glorious Rod Allen moment in this one, though. Carlos Guillen stole second off of Joe Nathan in the 9th inning. It was a pretty ballsy play, on the relative scale of baseball ballsiness, and it prompted Rod Allen to exclaim,
Yeah! If you’re scared, get a dog!
I think this means something like… if you’re too cringing and afraid to steal a base in a tough baseball situation, perhaps you should retire to a small home and get yourself a ferocious guard dog. Maybe? I fear that there may be convolutions of meaning here that I cannot unravel. It does seem certain, however, that Rod is saying that Carlos is so fearless that he does not require a hound.
Friday, Saturday, and Sunday are all Twinkie games. Friday is Arrrrrmando vs. Glen ‘office manager’ Perkins, Saturday is Nate vs. Scott ‘cookies’ Baker, and Sunday is Justin vs. Nick ‘actually it’s Robert’ Blackburn. I, however, will be on the Cape (Cape League baseball! slowly stupefying on the beach! woo!) for all three of these games and thus will not be seeing them. I’ll be back Monday, but you kids and kittens are on your own for the weekend. Play nice, share the catnip, don’t kick the litter everywhere, and go Tigers!