Rays beat Tigers in degrading animal kingdom battle


photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

I don’t particularly want to spend yet another post saying Ugh, that game stunk like a wet week-old skunk carcass, I don’t want to talk about it, but… that game was messy, it was slow, it featured the EXTRAORDINARILY frustrating ‘leaving men on base’ school of baseball, it showcased the knack the Tigers have for putting pitchers on the ropes and then NOT DOING ANYTHING TO THEM, it stunk like a wet week-old skunk carcass, and I don’t really want to talk about it.

I will say that Carlos Pena looked good out there, and because I have long been a Carlos Pena fan, that was awfully nice to see. You still have to wonder what might have happened if we’d held onto him just a liiiiiiittle bit longer…. alas. (And I suppose you also have to entertain the possibility that it was the move to a new home park/new team that helped him finally get over the Hump of Unrealized Ballplayer Potential.)

At one point late in the game Mario accidentally called Carlos Guillen ‘Pena’. He did, to his credit, pretty immediately correct himself and laugh about it. C’mon now, though! I know it’s tough what with ALL THOSE CARLOSES out there, but you gotta keep your former Tigers and your current Tigers straight!

Miguel Cabrera hit a triple, a long ball that appeared to confuse the outfielder: he slowed and looked around like he either thought it was gone or like he lost it in the ceiling. It bounced off the base of the wall, which gave Miggy enough time to flop gracelessly into third. Leyland came out to argue that it had hit off one of the catwalks (in which case it would be a home run), but the umps didn’t seem to have seen it much more clearly than the outfielder did. For whatever it’s worth, the ball didn’t really look like it changed directions, so I’m tending towards ‘legit call’, but who knows. The cameras couldn’t even pick it up until it was back on the field.

Everything else sucked. Kazmir was wild, we put loads of guys on, most of them never came around to score. It would be funny except that it’s been going on all season long and it actually has no humorous value whatsoever. Men left on base haunt my dreams. They just stand there, on every base except homeplate. Staring, staring, always staring. And not moving, that’s the main bit. Like statues. On base. Not scoring.

It’s not a fun dream.

Todd Jones, by the by, has tendonitis in his shoulder. The only two injuries the Tigers are capable of getting are busted obliques and tendonitis. The good news is that our trainers are going to become veritable experts on oblique injuries and tendonitis management. The bad news is that seriously everyone is getting these same stupid injuries. The BAD bad news is that both these classes of injuries tend to be recurrent. Splendid.

Satuday’s game is Kenny vs. Andy Sonnanstine. It starts at 6:10 pm EDT. I’m not sure why, but it does. Since it’s on a Saturday, and FOX is the jerkweed dictator of Saturday baseball, the game is actually blacked out until 7ish, at which point FSN will join the game ALREADY IN PROGRESS. This is one of the most moronic broadcasting shenanigans I’ve encountered recently. Seriously, we can’t see the first hour of the game. The cameras are there, the crews are there, everything is there, ready and able to broadcast, but nope, we don’t get to see it until the game has already been going on for an hour.

Why? Because FOX is an unreasonable goatbag, that’s why. They’re filthy scrofulous stoat-loving cretins on a huge collective wet dream of a powertrip.

Go Tigers!

16 responses to “Rays beat Tigers in degrading animal kingdom battle

  1. Scrofulous goatbags, no less. Fab.
    And the Hinske-ray is terrifying.

  2. Perhaps the game starts at 6:10pm because of the postgame concert, featuring LL COOL J?!!!
    It is very frustrating that the Jerkweed Dictators of Saturday Baseball also black out their other regional broadcasts from MLB.TV. I would very much like to be able to watch TWO of the knowledgeable FOX broadcast teams, as well as to be made aware of the valuable goods and services advertised in a variety of regions. But those filthy scrofulous stoat-loving cretins won’t allow it. Unreasonable goatbags.

  3. “FOX is an unreasonable goatbag, thatís why. Theyíre filthy scrofulous stoat-loving cretins on a huge collective wet dream of a powertrip.”
    Word. God damn word.
    What legitimate MLB team starts games at frigging 6:10 PM? It’s a sad state of affairs in Tampa. They have a great baseball team, but the only way they can sell out is to have concerts by used-to-be’s after Saturday games?
    At least bitching about this stuff takes my mind off of the God awful Tigers.

  4. Yep, the Freep is reported this morning that we have Mr. Cool J’s concert to blame for the 6:10 start time. Grrr. Would the concert-goers really care if his concert started an hour later?

  5. ivantopumpyouup

    LL Cool J is as much responsible for this goatbaggery as FOX is. Not cool, LL. Not cool. I am going to call you LL Not Cool J from now on.

  6. Be sure to send a note about your displeasure to FOX… no reason they can’t show the game on FSND, heck aren’t they all owned by the same Megacorp anyhow? They will still be getting the eye balls or more if we weren’t planning on watching the “game of the week”.
    Sad Tiger fan is still sad about Pudge… and the wet soggy game we had last night.

  7. goatbag! HA!

  8. The game is not blacked out on MLB.TV!
    LL must have pulled some strings…

  9. OMG, Farnsworth comes in here on Sunday and immediately throws the game away…
    Remind me why the Pudge trade was good in some manner again?

  10. That photo illustration is going to haunt me for a long time. :/

  11. Now that I’ve seen last nights game, I wish FOX had blacked out the entire game.

  12. Mike, I thought the LL Cool J thing was a joke when you first said it… then it turned out to be true. I can only shake my head at the Rays.
    Al, thankfully, even terrible Tigers are generally more competent than FOX….
    heitk1le, I agree, it really cannot have made THAT big a difference if the concert was a single hour later. And I mean, it’s not like it was a Miley Cyrus concert, where the target audience has a bed time of 9 pm. LL freakin’ Cool J…
    ivan, he invites the criticism with insanity like this.
    Paul, you do have to wonder why they blacked out FSN… since you’re right, it IS owned by FOX, it’s got FOX in the bloody NAME. The only explanation is that they hate us and want us to suffer (although, with the way the game ended up going, maybe they DIDN’T want us to suffer…).
    tiff, PfP, I invite you and everyone else to spread the goatbag gospel. I want to see this become common internet parlance.
    jules, I didn’t see any of it, as I was at the Red Sox game (which was rewarding and delightful and generally un-Tigersian), but that’s what it sounds like. :/
    h2opolopunk, I am to please and/or disturb. ;)

  13. The loss to the Rays in thelast game of the series
    with walking in the winning run broke my hope
    that this “Mighty Tiger’s” team would ever have a chance in winning their division. I say bring up the kidsfrom the farm clubs and let them have at it.
    The pitching rotation other than the “Big Cat” need
    to go. Front office should look during the off season for dumping the starters. Start new with a new rotation. What’ll have to loose. I love the Tigers but this pitching crew has to go.

  14. ivantopumpyouup

    “The pitching rotation other than the ìBig Catî need
    to go.”
    I really REALLY hope you’re not advocating trading / releasing Verlander and Bonderman. ’cause if you are . . . Wow. Just wow. That’s all I got.

  15. ivantopumpyouup

    Okay, I just can’t get over this comment. Sam, if I’m stepping over lines and onto toes, please let me know. :P
    “Start new with a new rotation. Whatíll have to loose.”
    … They can’t possibly jettison 4/5 of their rotationwith two months left to go in the season and expect to replace it with Major League caliber talent– and non-crappy Major League talent at that– right that instant.
    This isn’t fantasy baseball. Teams aren’t stockpiling the talent waiting for the Tigers to come calling. No team with talent to spare is going to just hand over a player without serious returns either. I mean, we had to give up Pudge for freaking FARNSWORTH, a mediocre, barely-league average relief pitcher. What do you think it’ll take to get four pitchers who are an improvement over what we’ve currently got in the rotation?
    Also, there isn’t much available that’s GOOD with so many teams in the hunt for playoff spots, and what IS good isn’t going to sneak through waivers.
    “I love the Tigers but this pitching crew has to go.”
    No, it really doesn’t. No one HAS to do anything except die and pay taxes.
    I feel really fortunate you’re not the one in charge of player personnel. I haven’t seen anything this mindboggling on the internetz since Gonads and Strife.

  16. joe bone, I agree that winning the division looks difficult right now. I mean, catdamn, if we can’t even reliably hang out at .500 how can we expect to win the division? This isn’t the NL West.
    I don’t think Verlander’s going anywhere (and I don’t think he should). Same for Bondo — he’ll rehab, and then we’ll see what we’ve got. There’s really no sense at all in getting rid of either of these guys: they’re young, and they’re both in a bit of a trough right now, which means we probably wouldn’t get nearly enough back if we tried to trade them. The smart thing to do is hang onto them and hope they both recover (which I think they can both do).
    I don’t know that Kenny WILL be back. He was contemplating retirement last offseason, and he’s only on a one-year contract. But there isn’t much we can do with him right now. The contract, his age, his performance this season, he’s not exactly attractive trade-bait.
    Nate IIRC is under contract until 2010. He’s been so bad this year that maybe he SHOULD be gone, but I don’t know what we’d do with him. Trade him? I guess, but what do you get back?
    And Armando has been great, but I would not expect to see it continue past this season, if it even continues to the end of this season. I assume the Tigers will hang onto him; at worst he’s probably another Nate next year.
    As for what we have to lose by calling up a bunch of kids… I don’t think there’s any sense in starting the clock rolling towards arbitration by calling up kids we don’t really need to call up and letting them accumulate worthless big league innings.

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