Paws offers a quick lesson in Jays

photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Hey guys! It’s PAWS! Roar of the Tigers asked me to come here today to give an apparently much-needed lesson in TELLING DIFFERENT BLUE JAYS APART. It can be tough stuff sometimes, I know, but if you guys just pay close attention here, you should be able to learn how to do it just as well as the experts do!! Wow-ee!!

OK! Are you guys ready? Here we go!!

First we have, on the left here, David Purcey! That’s DAY-vid PURR-see! Note the roundness of his face and his distinct goatee. Note also his near-6.00 ERA, his 1.45 WHIP, his 1-3 losing record, and his 1.21 K/BB ratio. OK? You guys see all that?

Here on the right we have Roy Halladay. ROY HAHL-ah-day! Please note the comparative angularity of his jawline, and the LACK of a distinct goatee. That’s right, Roy Halladay grows a FULL BEARD instead! Note also his 2.72 ERA, his 1.05 WHIP, his 13-9 winning record, and his K/BB ratio of 5. Hol-ee cats!!! A K/BB ratio of 5!! That sure sets MY whiskers a-tremblin’!

Now, I know these guys are almost the same height, and I know they both have kind of light/reddish hair, and I know that they’re wearing the same uniform. Golly, it sure seems like it’s gonna be tough to tell them apart! And I can see that you guys had a lot of trouble with that tonight. All goin’ out there, treatin’ David Purcey like he’s Roy Halladay instead… well, I’m afraid I have to tell you guys that although it’s hard for you to tell them apart, there are gonna be a lot of experts there who know an awful lot about distinguishing Blue Jays, and they’re gonna be calling you guys out for making a mistake like that.

That’s why I’M here! I’m great at identifying ALL KINDS of critters, since I am one myself and all! So I was brought in to share my expertise with you guys, so you won’t ever have to make this mistake again. Gosh, you guys must be so embarrassed!! I’m totally not judging you, though. I mean, I hear that tigers look kinda the same to people, even though I can assure you that we look VERY distinct and unique to other tigers!

So just look at the chalkboard again, OK, and make sure you can pick out the differences between these Jays! I’ll leave the drawings up here, so you can just come up and look at it as much as you like after I leave, OK? Take your time!

Tomorrow you guys are playing at 1:05 pm EDT, and Arrrrrmando, you’re going up against Jesse Litsch. Now, he’s also kinda big and pale, but he doesn’t have ANY beard, and he’s SHORTER than the other two Jays, so you guys shouldn’t have any trouble telling him apart from Roy Halladay, right? Yeah, of course you won’t!! I know you guys can totally learn to tell Jays apart if you just really apply yourselves to it! Go Tigers!


7 responses to “Paws offers a quick lesson in Jays

  1. imaginary baseball world posts are always my favorites

  2. Paws is a great teacher.

  3. librarymonkey27

    img alt=”” align=”” border=”” class=”” style=”” float=”” height=”227″ hspace=”” longdesc=”” vspace=”” src=”” width=”210″>GaGa will right the ship
    I am hoping he throws a no-hitter so he can win the rookie
    of the year.
    and he needs to throw a no hitter with the way the Tigers salary hits.

  4. librarymonkey27

    GaGa will right the ship
    I am hoping he throws a no-hitter so he can win the rookie
    of the year.
    and he needs to throw a no hitter with the way the Tigers salary hits.
    I wish I could edit my comments

  5. LOL! You tell ’em, Paws!

  6. Maybe the Tigers need to get their vision checked. They’re getting older and it could be time to see if they need a better prescription.

  7. FrogMan, I always enjoy writing ’em. :)
    Phil, his wisdom is legion.
    librarymonkey, sorry, it’s a pain in the tail-end, I know, but it’s not something we can change on the individual blog level– it’s MVN-wide.
    heitk1le, Paws exists to set the team straight. Screw this alleged ‘entertaining the fans’ business.
    David, ouch. :P

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