Melvin Mora should be banned from Comerica

photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Melvin Mora is a danger to the people of Detroit. He stomps kittens under his heels and crushes public property with his mighty fists. He breathes fire at the slightest provocation. He terrorizes the locals. Melvin Mora must be stopped.

Today Melvin Mora went 5-for-6 with 4 runs scored and 6 RBI. He hit two doubles and two home runs. Over the course of this three-game series he went 10-for-13 with 6 runs scored and 10 RBI, with a total of two walks, two doubles, one triple, and three home runs.

You see what I mean? Melvin Mora is quite clearly A MENACE TO SOCIETY and a plague upon all Tiger-loving people. I vote to permanently ban him from Comerica, on the basis of the fact that he is unfairly dangerous to delicate flowers such as the Tigers pitching staff.

Saturday’s game was fine (Verlander only allowed two [unearned] runs in 6 innings, Miggy and Carlos both went yard), Sunday’s game was extremely not fine (vomitball on the part of the pitchers. All of them. Minus Seay). What can you say? We should not be playing like this against the Orioles, but this team has made a fruitful season out of not doing what they should be capable of doing, so who knows anymore.

Todd Jones is back on the DL. He was only off it for a short time, basically just long enough for him and everyone else in the world to realize that he never should have come off it in the first place. He’s saying all the right things, though:

“I can’t help out pitching how I’m feeling now, and it’s killing me,” Jones said. “I can take it. I can handle the boos and everything. I want to be out there and be part of the team, but I can’t help. Jim [Leyland] told me he’s not sure what he gets when I’m out there, so he can’t find a situation he feels comfortable putting me in.”

“I wanted to try to come back as quick as I could,” Jones said, “because I felt like I could really help out the team, and also being accountable. If the season doesn’t go well, I want to be active and I want to take my turn when I get the ball, take my turn taking the boos and the cheers. I’m as much to blame as anybody.

“But the main reason I wanted to come back was because I thought I could help out. It was totally my decision to come back. I know it kind of looks bad being off the DL two days and then having to go back on, but all I was trying to do was try to get back as quick as possible and try to help out in any way I could. And then, when I got back, I realized when I was pitching that I could throw, but I can’t pitch.”
Jason Beck/ article

He’s right, it does look pretty bad to come off the DL and go right back on, and if we were in the middle of a tight late summer pennant race I would be quite annoyed with him. If he was a young pitcher, I would be quite annoyed with him. You can’t take risks like that with your arm just because you WANT to pitch if the team is in serious contention, and you can’t take those risks with a young arm that has a potentially long and rich future. But honestly, with the situation in this division being what it is at the moment, it’s hard to get too fired up about this. Jonesy wanted to take his lumps with the rest of the team, so he overestimated his 40-year-old pitchin’ arm because of his 20-year-old baseball-playin’ heart. Despite my freakout in the previous post (which I totally stand behind as a reasonable reaction, c’mon, just look at that line and tell me it doesn’t make you spontaneously gag), I’m not going to fault him for that.

I can hope, however, that two groups learned from this stupid situation: our young pitchers, and the coaches. Young pitchers, let this be a lesson to you. You cannot and should not try to come off the DL before you are 110% ready! And coaches, man, I know you guys have to let the players tell you how they’re feeling, because they know their own bodies best blah blah whatever, but SERIOUSLY SOMETIMES THEY DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR THEIR OWN ARMS. Like I said, this is not completely disastrous when you’re talking about Todd Jones nearing the end of his career in an essentially dead season; but if we’re talking a Bonderman, a Verlander, a Zumaya, it can be a BIG problem.

In fact it HAS been a problem (witness Bondo trying to pitch through pain a couple years back). Most guys in Major League Baseball are gonna want to take that ball when their turn comes up. They’re stubborn and they don’t want to admit that there’s ANYTHING they can’t do. This is why we have coaches, right? It’s like little kids with candy, someone has to be there to tell them NO, we know you want it, but it is NOT GOOD FOR YOU RIGHT NOW.


Monday we head off to Texas, sliding over a timezone but not having to deal with the 8:11 stupidity of Chicago. Kenny goes up against Scott Feldman the Hawaiian at 8:05 pm EDT. Weirdly enough, this is only Kenny’s second time pitching at Arlington after leaving the Rangers. Cameramen in the area will be on high alert. Go Tigers!


6 responses to “Melvin Mora should be banned from Comerica

  1. Rather than ban Mora from Comerica we ought to take immediate steps to acquire him so he can crush flowers on our behalf instead of anyone else’s.

  2. Had to love this actual Todd Jones quote found in Booth Newspapers: “When I’m pitching with my good mechanics, I don’t feel it as much. But when I’m out there in a game, trying to get Aubrey Huff out, trying to make pitches and flying open and making snot bubbles and stuff like that, I can’t stay within my mechanics and I can’t do it.”

  3. I guess I should be happy that my cable went out and I missed this stinker.

  4. If only it was September so the Tigers could add Mothra to the 40 man roster. Mothra would be able to stop Mora.

  5. […] guys i just stumbled upon this breaking news here is some info and links Melvin Mora should be banned from Comerica Most Valuable Network , USA – Aug 18, 2008 – Aug 18, 2008 I vote to permanently ban him from […]

  6. You can have him. Just gotta get him to waive his NTC.

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