of Tigers losses and baseball mustaches


photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

The positives from Tuesday’s game: Chris Lambert didn’t get the loss. Miguel Cabrera had an amazing day at the plate.

The negatives from Tuesday’s game: Fernando Rodney is Fernando Rodney. K-Rod is K-Rod. Fernando Rodney is not K-Rod.

It’s hard to even get too upset about those negatives. So Fernando gave up the winning run in the 9th inning. That’s just how we roll, kids and kittens. It’s not like it’s anything new. I understand that this was a save situation and Fernando is the sort-of closer, but this still feels horribly predictable. And you can’t expect K-Rod to blow a save, although we did at least give him a run for his money.

Matt already got into the September call-ups over here. In brief: Chris Lambert (duh), Freddy Dolsi, Dusty Ryan, Mike Hessman, and Clay Rapada. I’m mostly interested to see what/how Dusty Ryan does, possibly because I’m obsessed with catcher disaster scenarios and on some level believe all of them will come to pass.

I don’t have much else to say and I am falling asleep at the moment, so I’ll instead share with you an email I received today.

Should the first ever “Goulet” award winner be the Yankees’ Jason Giambi, the late Gene Upshaw, Olympic champ Michael Phelps, recent Hall-of-Fame inductees Art Monk (NFL) or Goose Gossage (MLB), or Mike Ditka, who’s working hard to help NFL retirees? Let your audience help choose.

Search on for ‘Mustached American of The Year’

Sept. 3, 2008 (St. Louis) The American Mustache Institute (AMI) is looking for the first ever ‘Robert Goulet Mustached American of the Year,’ recognizing the most impactful Mustached American of the past year. The winner of the award will be announced Oct. 25 at ‘Stache Bash 2008, a benefit for Challenger Baseball, a baseball league for the disabled.

“The Goulet award allows us to honor a distinguished Mustached American,” said Dr. Daniel T. Callahan, AMI research director. “The winner must both champion the mustache and stand apart from his or her fellow Americans: a soup straining school teacher; Jason Giambi of the Yankees for helping popularize the cookie duster in baseball again; a mustached fireman; or, if he were American, Daniel Day Lewis for being the first mustached ‘Best Actor’ winner since Paul Newman in 1986.”

To submit a candidate for The Goulet award:

– visit www.AmericanMustacheInstitute.org and click on the entry link.
– Submissions will be accepted until Friday, Oct. 3.
– Beginning Monday, Oct. 6, online voting will open for a group of finalists selected by AMI’s certified mustacheologists.
– Voting will close Friday, Oct. 17.
– The winner will be named at ‘Stache Bash 2008 at the Lumiere Casino in St. Louis on Saturday, Oct. 25.

Tickets for ‘Stache Bash 2008, can be purchased at www.americanmustacheinstitute.org. For more information about the Goulet Award or ‘Stache Bash, call (877) STACHE-1, watch this video, or e-mail info@AmericanMustacheInstitute.org.

About AMI
The American Mustache Institute, the bravest organization in the history of mankind behind only the U.S. Military and the post-Jim Henson Muppets, is the world’s only facial hair advocacy and research organization, with more than 600 chapters around globally. AMI battles negative stereotypes and discrimination against the Mustached American race. Based in St. Louis due to the presence of the world’s largest mustache– the Gateway Arch– the organization is committed to recapturing the mustache’s glory years of the 1970s, when there existed a climate of acceptance, understanding, and flavor saving for Mustached Americans.

About Challenger Baseball
Challenger Baseball is a baseball league for youngsters and adults with developmental disabilities. The fundamental goal of Challenger Baseball is to give every player the chance to play. To realize that goal, Challenger has two basic rules: every player bats each inning, and every player plays the field. The league does not count strikes, and does not count outs. Every player scores and every player wins. Challenger Baseball participants learn not only the fundamentals of baseball, but also experience teamwork, being cheered on by a crowd, and being encouraged by peers. All players are named all-stars and all receive trophies.

I believe that this may be THE GREATEST EMAIL I HAVE EVER RECEIVED. This could be because I have been awake since about 5 am and it’s 1:30 am of the next day; it could be because it’s all for a good cause; it could be because my dad sports a mustache. Or it could simply be THE GREATEST EMAIL I HAVE EVER RECEIVED.

I suggest NOT nominating Giambi, if you’re going to throw some names at these folks. Todd Jones has a perfectly good walrus ‘stache, and there are other, worthier non-Tigers options out there, such as Sal Fasano or any of these brave/disturbed young souls. Go forth and lol.

Wednesday’s 7:05 pm EDT matchup will see a highly smirky Jon Garland pitching against Zach Miner. Worth watching? Sure, we all want to see what Miggy does next. Worth playing? FOR DIGNITY! Go Tigers!

12 responses to “of Tigers losses and baseball mustaches

  1. WAT.

  2. Also I very badly want Maggs to grow that mustache for real now.

  3. The mustache must be defended and celebrated. Maggs with a mustache would only be acceptable if it were a handlebar mustache and only if he were allowed to wear a stovepipe hat and evil black cape and foreclose on orphanages.

  4. David, my FIRST thought when I saw that picture was, “What did Maggs do (or, more likely, who did he strand on base) last night that he’s suddenly Snidely Whiplash?”

  5. OMG, LOL, Snidely Whiplash… Sam’s comments aside, I just loved the Giambi ‘stache story this year. It’s such a classic superstitious ballplayer story. In a horrible slump, sitting around the locker room talking about how to break it, a few teammates decide to go ‘stache (I think there was 2 or 3 at the start — maybe including Cano — but Giambi was the only one to go more than a week or so). Giambi starts the ‘stache and starts on a tear. Stache stays. Really a horrible looking ‘stache, too. Indeed, that makes it all the more endearing to me. Somewhere a few weeks back, he’s hitting something like .140-something over a span of 2-3 weeks, off it comes. Classic ballplayer. I loved it.
    I wonder what Brandon Inge would look like with a good ‘stache…..

  6. I need that Miggy bobblehead. Then I will paint a moustache on it!

  7. PfP, I think this is evidence that Maggs would look FANTASTIC with such a mustache.
    David, I believe you have just described the most wonderfully surreal WHO’S YOUR TIGER? ad ever. This needs to happen.
    heitk1le, he didn’t do anything in particular, I just had that photo of him pouting that seemed perfectly primed for a mustache. :P
    Jeff, I will admit that I prefer thinking about Giambi’s luck ‘stache to thinking about his gold luck thong (urgh). I’m not sure Inge COULD grow a proper ‘stache, he seems to have enough trouble as it is with goatees…
    tiff, or you could just make a bunch of little paper mustaches so you could switch them out with tape.

  8. Magglio with a Rollie Fingers ‘stache. o god.

  9. Ha ha, how are you the first one to ID the ‘stache?!

  10. […] of Tigers losses and baseball mustaches – BaseballThe positives from Tuesday s game: Chris Lambert didn t get the loss. Miguel Cabrera had an amazing day at the plate. The negatives from Tuesday s game: Fernando Rodney is Fernando Rodney. K-Rod is K-Rod. Fernando Rodney is not K-Rod. It s […]

  11. I cannot believe I’m the first one. SHAME ON YOU ALL, RotT readers, SHAME ON YOU ALL.

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