photo by Samara Pearlstein
Instead it is the ‘Ugh Kyle Farnsworth I want to punch you in the face’ post.
Uggggh. Kyle Farnsworth, I want to punch you in the face:
– with my fists
– with the Joe Louis fist sculpture
– with Marcus Thames’ fists
For those of you who didn’t see the game or didn’t see all of it because it got late and was boring, let me sum up what happened.
1. The game is boring for 6 innings. Kenny melts down late (and by late I mean… in the middle of the 5th inning), nobody is hitting the Dank Danks, Jim Thome hits his 539th home run. 7-0, Wrong Sox. Blah blah, the Tigers are who we thought they were, etc.
2. Mike Hessman hits a 7th inning two-run homer off of Linebrink. 7-2, Wrong Sox. Whatever.
3. Granderson starts off the 8th by homering off of Daniel Boone Logan. 7-3, Wrong Sox. Ennui still reigns supreme.
4. Polanco singles, Magglio singles, Miggy walks. 7-3, Wrong Sox.
5. The River Thames hits a GRAND BLEEPING SLAM off of Octavio Dotel. Improbably, 7-7, tie! Suddenly, dude, there’s a baseball game? I’m awake, I’m awake, honest! Marcus Thames is our savior. He is a protector of kittens and small, vulnerable rookies and all things fuzzy and wonderful. He is a large and important waterway in England. He has tied a game that the other team had already written off as a win.
6. Bobby Seay enters the game in the bottom of the 8th only to let a guy single, allow him to advance on a sac hit, and issue an intentional walk. 7-7. He manages to get two outs.
7. Kyle Farnsworth comes in and allows a single, thus loading the bases. 7-7, only one out needed.
8. Dewayne Wise hits a grand slam. 11-7, Wrong Sox.
9. I have a disturbingly vivid waking dream that involves fists, Kyle Farnsworth’s face, and the intersection of these elements.
Man, that sucked. I know that a lot of these games have sucked lately, but that sucked even more than usual, didn’t it?
The rain this weekend screwed up the Tigers’ scheduling something awful. Even with the double header on Sunday they have a spare game that needs to be made up at some point, and the two teams do not have any mutual off-days left. Can they make it up after the season officially ends? I thought they should have tried to play a triple-header on Sunday. Just start ’em off at 8 am and make ’em play until they’re all caught up. It would’ve been worth it just to see Edgar Renteria spontaneously bursting into tears of exhaustion, sobbing uncontrollably into his glove and having to be led gently off the field by a trainer sometime in the middle of the third game.
The Race to .500!
With the TWO losses this weekend, the Tigers still need 11 wins to reach the promised land, and only have 3 losses left to spare. Can we make it through the entire rest of the season with three or fewer losses? I say ‘no’, so I fear that the Race to .500 has already been lost.
We’re off to Texas on Monday for an 8:05 pm game. Dontrelle Willis takes on Brandon McCarthy the Former Wrong Sock. Yes, you read that correctly. Dontrelle Willis is starting a game. HOLD ME. Go Tigers!