Gary Sheffield knows where you sleep

photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Is Sheffield getting crazier as he gets older, or is this just par for the course? I feel like I haven’t followed him closely enough in the past to say for sure.

As you all know, this past Friday Sheffield was involved in a rather spirited brawl with the Racist Logos. Many punches were thrown, many lulz were had, etc. Sheff’s been suspended for four games and he’s not appealing, so he’ll start sitting tonight.
The fantastic bit is what he said while talking about the suspension.

“It’s on,” said Sheffield, who added he wouldn’t appeal the suspension or the undisclosed fine announced by Bob Watson, vice-president of MLB on-field operations.

Sheffield said he received “cheap shots” during the melee and planned to take matters into his own hands.

“When guys take cheap shots, I take that personal,” Sheffield said. “When I find out who they are, they’re going to have to deal with me. They’re going to be penalized by me, too.

“You’ll see. I’m not one of those guys who talks what I’m going to do. I’m just going to do what I’m going to do.”
Steve Grinczel/ article

This is like a perfect nugget of crazy. I want to frame it and hang it on my wall.

Gary Sheffield is not going to talk [about? up?] what he’s going to do. He’s just going to do what he’s going to do. BUT WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO?? In case you weren’t sure, we do not in fact play the Racist Logos again this season. Is he going to let this hate fester in his heart until Spring Training? Is he going to spend the entire winter watching tape of the brawl over and over again until he knows with 100% certainty who it was that popped him in the back of the head, so that he may exact his bloody revenge when the ’09 season starts up?

Or is he going to track, like, Asdrubal Cabrera down in the middle of November and, I dunno, sneak up on him while he’s out buying groceries, ambush him, and punch him in the liver until he says ‘sorry’?

I don’t know. But Gary Sheffield knows. He knows that some dudes are gonna get PENALIZED!! ‘Cause IT’S ON!

(If you don’t get the image, please refer back to this post and the perfect nugget of crazy that came from that particular Sheff-incident.)

ETA: Wow, that game was no fun whatsoever. I don’t really want to post about it and I have to be up at 5 am anyways, so I’m leaving this post up and you can all enjoy Gary Sheffield’s belligerent insanity instead of reading about our deeply depressing fight for last place in the Central. Tuesday’s game is at 7:05 pm EDT, Freddy Garcia vs. Zach Greinke. Remember, these games now matter, not for the prideful excesses of playoff baseball, not for the marginally respectable goal of having a record at or above .500, but instead for the humbling struggle to not be the worst team in a bad division. Think about ending the season under the Royals, and tremble with that fear. Go Tigers!

5 responses to “Gary Sheffield knows where you sleep

  1. The crazies almost distract from the fear of ending up in last place.
    At least we’re doing better than the Mariners!

  2. Yeah. Whee. Then again, EVERYONE is doing better than the Mariners…

  3. My hope is that THE PENALIZER will exact his revenge while wearing another team’s jersey next year – maybe the (sub)Mariners could use an often-injured, occasionally effective DH with delusions of still being an everyday outfielder…
    Hope springs eternal, right?

  4. Ha ha, who knows. I would believe anything of the Mariners. Being worse than the Tigers puts them in a special, special kind of place where anything is possible.

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