Brandon Lyon condemns himself to a year of feline confusion


photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

OH MAN YOU MEAN EVERYONE ELSE ALREADY MADE THE LYON/TIGER JOKE OH SHI–

No but really:

CATS.

Both Billfer and Lee are on the positive side of ‘meh’ when it comes to THE FLYIN’ LYON, which counts for a lot more with me than whatever it is this Freeper is trying to say. Saves are overrated, so let’s talk about how many saves he had! He relies on a number of diverse pitches and that is terrible! Tigers fans think a good closer has to throw 100mph because that has worked so well for Zumaya and Farnsworth in Detroit OBVIOUSLY.

Billfer brings up Lyon’s BABIP and his luck with ground balls (both of which say a bit more about D’back fielding and the luck’o’the draw than his pitching). Lee has charts. In Blogs We Trust.

I don’t really think that Lyon is going to be all that and a fresh bowl of kibble. He’s not, you know, Jonathan Papelbon or anything like that, I mean we wouldn’t want to get TOO CRAZY over here in Tigertown, we wouldn’t want to get the old folks all riled! But he is also NOT FERNANDO RODNEY, which I reckon is maybe even more important. He does not tend to strike out as many guys as Fernando does, but he also walks far fewer guys on average while maintaining a very similar average WHIP. I’ll take those balls in play, yes I will, most especially in the context of his kiiiiinda high BABIP last year as previously cited courtesy of Mr. Billfer.

To make this easy for you because it is a weekend and you do not want to think very hard about the vomitous 2009 Tiger bullpen at such a time, I have made you some lists.

Brandon Lyon pros

— fewer walks than a crooked batting cage pitching machine
— bad luck contributed to his mildly unpretty numbers in ’08
— able to persevere in the face of sheer horror in the workplace as demonstrated by his survival of a couple seasons with Randy Johnson
— pudgy white guy with a goatee, thus 100% qualified to pitch in middle relief if needed
— cat name
— NOT FERNANDO RODNEY

Brandon Lyon cons

— probably aggressively mediocre at best
— has been in the NL for a while, specifically the NL West, aka The Division of Many Lulz
— not striking that many dudes out is all well and good for your middle reliever but if you are going to be our new closer Mr. Lyon we shall expect greater things
— potentially turned into a dry-heat-loving weakling via Arizona overexposure
— wrong cat name
— possibly not sufficiently unlike Fernando Rodney

So now you know some facts and that is the main thing. IN CONCLUSION, CATS.

9 responses to “Brandon Lyon condemns himself to a year of feline confusion

  1. Is there anyone out there with Bear as a last name? We might as well cover our bases. Or maybe another cat like species?

  2. Samara Pearlstein

    Oh maaaaan can you imagine how awesome a dude named JOHNNY JAGUAR would be as a pitcher? A kid with that name would pitch the hell out of a baseball.

  3. I hear Rick Porcello’s considering a name change.

  4. Samara Pearlstein

    I would support his life decisions.

  5. Oscar Ocelot would be a journeyman catcher, looking for a home.

  6. I think we should henceforth refer to our new pitcher as THE FLYIN’ LYON… unless, of course, he gives us reason to come to games wearing paper bags over our heads.

  7. Samara Pearlstein

    David, awwwwwwww. And Cam Caracal would be the high-jumping utility infielder!
    Heitk1le, he shall henceforth be called THE FLYIN’ LYON, on this blog anyways, until such time as he gives us reason to call him THE CRYIN’ LYON, or whatever other awful pun comes to mind.

  8. Awesome. Samara, you rock.

  9. It’s worth mentioning that — while his overall numbers don’t look great — Lyon was absolutely lights out in the first half of last year.

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