Tigers welcome back their reptilian friend

photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Unbelievable. The second I return my attention to the Tigers, look who decides to mosey on over. By now we all know that the Spazzosaurus is with us always, usually just out of sight, waiting for his moment, but come on. This is a bit much.

Nate Robertson taking a relay throw off the thumb I could see, even though the team JUST told Zach Miner that he would no longer be competing for a starting spot. That brand of absurdity is typical for the Tigers these days. Adam Everett spraining his ankle I could see, even though he is still so new that I have not yet figured out a good way to render him in big-headed doodle form.

But… both at once? SPAZZOSAURUS, YOU WILY BEAST, I SEE YOUR CLAWMARKS ALL OVER THIS ONE.

Sigh.

Our pitching situation is still so up in the air that it is hard to say exactly what kind of impact Nate’s injury will have on the whole mess, if it ends up being an injury that actually has an impact. I don’t want to invoke The Porcello, but… well. Anyways, wouldn’t it be just perfect if this somehow jump-started Dontrelle into figuring himself out and he started pitching like a real big leaguer again? DARE TO DREAM!

If Everett is going to be hobbling around for any prolonged period of time, I expect that we’ll be enjoying a good amount of Ramon Santiago. Woohoo? At least it’s familiar?

This story also smacks vaguely of the Spazzosaurus, although I’m not precisely certain how. It just has that certain Spazzosaurus flavor about it, if you will.

Apparently the Detroit home opener is set to conflict with some particularly holy Good Friday hours. I am shocked and appalled. Clearly we cannot have a baseball game that clashes with an important religious date! I mean, how could anyone ask baseball players to be on the field during such a time? How could they ask fans to choose between their religious obligations and their baseball teams?

MLB would never, ever want to do such a thing. Of course not! That’s why there are never any baseball games on Yom Kippur, right?

13 responses to “Tigers welcome back their reptilian friend

  1. Ah ha! How do two ‘key players’ (and I use the term loosely) get injured in one ST game? It could only be the Spazzosaurus. I should have known.

  2. The way the Spazzosaurus’s left hand is positioned seems ripe for a knife or some sort of object used in his nefarious mission.
    Dontrelle may be headed for some positive territory now that he’s back to his old leg kick. I have my fingers crossed so hard.

  3. As for me, I plan to worship the gods of baseball at the tiger watch party eating a monstrous burger at the class A affiliate. Perhaps if the Spazzosaurus thinks he’s on the menu, he’ll go away!
    http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/odd_bodacious_burger

  4. Yeah, I saw a note in BA’s Prospect Report that claims that Ryan Perry will be going north with the Kitties because of Zumaya’s absence, and I was like… “Do they read the Tigers press *at all*???” But, on the other hand, they might yet be right! Confound you, you ambiguous Tigers pitching staff!

  5. Not gonna lie… I’m hoping enough people complain and the Tigers’ organization bends, and pushes the game back into the evening. Then we can totally make the game that day…. as it stands now…. we can’t miss work.
    You think Zach Miner is rubbing his hands together in the locker room going “Yessss!” If he keeps pitching like he has the last two outings… who knows! We won’t need little Ricky…

  6. can we trade Spazzy to the Wrong Sox for a bag of balls?

  7. ivantopumpyouup

    Man. I really don’t mean to be a b*tch (can I say that here? I’ll throw in an asterisk just to be sure), but SWEET ZOMBIE JESUS.
    Anwyay. This just makes me want to dickpunch the people who whined about Shawn Green not playing on Yom Kippur while the Dodgers were in a division race.
    And now I’m thinking of all the times I had to miss a Tigers or Pistons game because I was sitting through a six hour Yom Kippur service. No one worried about insulting my religion then by cruelly and callously schedule sporting events that conflicted with services! (Sidenote: Once, the Rabbi gave out the Pistons score during his Yom Kippur sermon because he was secretly following the game somehow, and man, were people pissed.)
    Okay, I’m done ranting. Sorry. :P

  8. Oh Spazzy, can’t you just wait until the regular season to start feasting on our players? If you get too full down in Spring Training you might have a hard time finding your way north with the charter flight.
    Who thinks the Answer Hamster is still some where in a pile of wood chips waiting for some thing worth while to wake him up?

  9. Samara Pearlstein

    PfP, yes, you should learn to recognize his style. Who knows? It may save the life of someone you know one day!
    David, don’t let the Spazzosaurus fool you– while you’re looking at that hand, he’ll be hitting you with something from another direction entirely. He can be sneaky when he has a mind to do so.
    Lisa, ha ha, I saw those… my hope was that the Spazzosaurus would develop a taste for them, and they would sate his hunger so that he no longer felt the need to come after our players…
    Jeff, it is a pitching staff almost wholly without form! And only a couple weeks away from opening day, that is IMPRESSIVE.
    Anaaki, I kind of hope they keep it at the scheduled time. Not to keep you from seeing it, o’course, but it seems only fair that the Good-Friday-folks should get a taste of what EVERY RELIGION ASIDE FROM CHRISTIANITY goes through on a regular basis, yanno? Eh. Maybe I’m bitter.
    Tiff, if we could have traded him, I think we would have done it… none can dictate the passage of the Spazzosaurus save for the Spazzosaurus itself.
    Ivan, right? RIGHT?? “Nobody is saying baseball isn’t big, but Good Friday is really big,” Vilkauskas told The Detroit News. “It’s 2,000 years old.” Hurrrrr, I wonder how old that silly ol’ Yom Kippur holiday is… no big, right? And the Tigers/Rangers game is the ONLY one going on during those hours on Good Friday, whereas pretty much EVERYONE plays on Yom Kippur. Just. Yeah, I should stop before I say something that pisses people off.
    Paul, he’ll find his way North. He’ll hitchhike if he has to. He always manages to make it. (sigh)
    Answer Hamster is waiting for Jim Leyland to come up with some Answers…

  10. ivantopumpyouup

    Are you gonna make a post about Willis, Sam? I’m interested in your thoughts!

  11. Samara Pearlstein

    Yesssss, I just gotta scan this drawing in. And stop procrastinating.

  12. ivantopumpyouup

    Awwwwesome. Can’t wait.
    And we’d been doing so well on MTS. >:[

  13. Samara Pearlstein

    It’s up now! And yeah, at least on MTS the majority is kind and sane and there are only a few duds. ‘Most other places, it’s the other way around…

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