everything but the kitchen sink and good pitching

I don’t even know where to start with this game. I feel like I should have been liveblogging it, because then I could have just written down my incoherent reactions to everything as it happened, and I could point you guys at it, and you could read it, and we would have a blog post. Unfortunately I was not liveblogging this one, which meant that I was free to roll around on the floor in agony as Fernando did his Fernando thing without having to stop in the middle to write about it on the internet. But now I have to think of something to say about this unwieldy lumbering mass of a game.

You know what that means. Unconnected and not necessarily chronological bullet point time!

–I love Dontrelle, you all know that I love Dontrelle, but this is getting absurd. I want him to do well SO BADLY, and you can tell that he wants to stay out there and pitch well SO BADLY, and Leyland obviously wants him to be able to hold down a spot in the rotation SO BADLY. There’s a whole lot of freeform WANT being thrown at Dontrelle these days, and on some days, like today, he manages to channel it into something vaguely approximating a proper start.

Three runs over five innings isn’t apocalyptically bad, but it also isn’t good, and we can’t keep doing this. We just can’t. We can’t have EVERY SINGLE GAME thrown by one of our starters turn into some kind of sideshow of pitching freakisms. It’s stressful for the fans, and, more importantly, it’s hell on the team. It puts crazy pressure on a lineup that’s already dangerously spotty in its ability to perform, and it puts crazy pressure on a bullpen that has plenty of troubles of its own, without the starters adding to it.

–Also, Dontrelle clearly hurt himself on that play at home, where he went down on his knee hard while trying to tag a Wrong Sock out. Maybe it’s just a bruise, but he was limping for quite some time afterwards. And when he made that bellyflopping shovel-throw to somehow get Pierzynski out at first, I almost threw up. It looked like Dontrelle was trying to hyperextend every hyperextendable bit of gristle in his body.

–Zach Miner is exempt from this, because he pitched two scoreless innings and didn’t walk anyone, but everyone ELSE who pitched in this game has a SERIOUS PROBLEM, and that serious problem is called THE BASE ON BALLS, and they seriously need to figure out what to do about this. The Tigers, collectively, walked 12 men today. THIS IS NOT OK AT ANY LEVEL OF PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL.

There are many levels of amateur baseball where this would be considered unacceptable as well. Let’s face it, there are college pitching staffs with higher standards than these cats. I want them to know shame.

–AJ Pierzynski is a cretinous knuckle-dragging chin-challenged rat-piss-poor excuse for a catcher. I know the benches cleared today only because everyone was bored, and Pierzynski flapping his sloppy jaw-bits is always a sufficient reason for bench cats to take to the field, no real fightin’ words were said, etc. I just wanted to get that out there.

–Brandon Inge was an on-base hero today. This was unusual, because, hey, Brandon Inge! Getting on base! Doing a basic fundamental bat-related thing! So unlikely, but there it was.

–FERNANDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOasdfklja;lsdkjfasdlfkj

I can’t take much more of him, it is not good for anyone involved.

–Thank cats for Miguel Cabrera. It’s bad enough to see an improbable 6-3 lead vanish into nothingness in the loving hands of the so-called closer; it would have been so much worse if the Tigs had ultimately lost the game. But Miguel Cabrera would leave no stone unturned, no homerun unhit, no game unwon. Bless his high little socks.

6 responses to “everything but the kitchen sink and good pitching

  1. hey you could’ve…. live twittered it :)
    I kid i kid, but I did not have the strength to sit through and believe that Miggy would pick us up (I turned it off after it was tied 6-6). He was in an incredible slump and is hurting, but hey, he’s not clutch for nothing. Reminds me of last year when TJones blew a save only for Miggy to save the game the next half inning. Now can Miggy rest his hammy?

  2. I don’t think I’ve ever watched a stranger baseball game before. Most of this is of course thanks to Dontrelle.
    Regarding Rodney, yes he is our new Todd Jones. However, keep in mind that he still does not have a blown save (technically) :) The problem is we don’t have anyone better to fill that roll.

  3. Oh my… ok first and foremost, I don’t think I have seen a game like this ever. Ever ever. SO in response to your bullets
    *Big Mig is still a MACK cat even with a sore hind-leg.
    *Dontrelle is the most driven cat I have ever seen, as most other pitchers would have left the game after blocking the plate like that.
    *Fernando is in fact the best meal ever for the spazzasaur, as he has lots of meaty walks to offer, and a clear lack of focus when it is not a one-run game
    *I hated this game with a passion, a burning passion that only rivals my hatred for Buckeyes and Mark Dantonio

  4. Maybe this will make you feel better?

  5. Okay, clearly, Fernando has inherited some kind of Spazzasaurus disease from Jonesy.
    And Miggy is my hero.
    But you missed one of the most fun moments of the game. Did you catch Ingey tap-dancing (or something) on his way to a conference on the mound when Rand and Leyland were visiting Dontrelle? One minute, Brandon’s calmly walking towards the mound. The next, he’s doing a jig of some kind.
    Totally random. Totally awesome.
    That, and Mario telling us that Pierzynski was saying to Laird, “What you talking ’bout, Gerald?”

  6. The Surgeon General needs to slap a warning label on Fernando.

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