Tigers go old school with a little too much dedication

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

At least the Tigers looked wicked cool today while they failed it up on the field. How great was it to see them wearing the Olde English D while on the road? How great was it to see most everyone wearing the high socks? (answer: so very great)

Those enormous frikkin’ collars were, let’s face it, hilarious, even more so because half the players somehow got the idea that they looked better popped up, and thus spent the entire game looking like a cross between a preppy frat boy and a cat in one of those Elizabethan collars.

The contrast piping on the hats was cool. The reams of extra fabric used in each uniform just made it funnier, especially on guys like Ramon Santiago, who was so swamped by his uniform that he looked like a Little Leaguer. Miguel Cabrera improved upon his comically oversized sleeves by cutting them to elbow-length in the dugout, leaving his arms dangling in these enormous flappy batwing things.

Most unfortunately, everyone was in the throwback uniforms because it’s the 100th anniversary of the Pirates’ 1909 World Series victory over the Tigers, and it was apparently not enough for the Tigers to dress the part. No, they had to go and lose both weekend games. For added authenticity! And while I applaud the impulse to celebrate history, and while I appreciate that the Tigers have a certain amount of reverence for said history, I like to see limits, you know? Casing their butts in absurdly saggy pants should have been enough for the Cats. The losing, while perhaps admirable on some Piratesian level, was really just an unnecessary level of dedication.

We’re done with the 1909 tribute now, though, so hopefully this sort of thing won’t be a problem again. That said, if everyone wants to stick with the high socks, I wouldn’t complain.

Etc:

–Donnie Kelly batted third on Friday. Josh Anderson batted third on Sunday. I just… I try to understand. I want to understand. I know that batting order is not the hard’n’fast set of rules that some people believe it to be, but I really don’t understand why Donnie Kelly would be batting third in his first big league start in two years, or why Josh Anderson would be batting third with a slugging percentage under .350. What is the thinking here? I am baffled. I admit bafflement. Help.

(The River Thames batted third on Saturday, which at least made some arguable sort of sense.)

–Dontrelle. I grow concerned– more concerned than I had been, anyways, which was already pretty damn concerned. He didn’t even stay in long enough to give us the full benefit of his batting, although it was clear that Leyland really, really wanted to leave him in for at least that reason.

His ERA is creeping back up near 8.00; his WHIP is creeping up towards 2.00. He has thrown 28 walks and only 17 strikeouts. Even Armando, who has been struggling like a garden slug in a vat of beer, has numbers that look amazing compared to those stats. Dontrelle is definitely making a case for dumping him from the rotation (Zach Miner here we come?), but can you even do that anymore without dashing his confidence to pieces once and for all and screwing his head up in some dire, permanent way?

–Jeremy Bonderman hopes to return to the team… by September. Holy cats. Obviously his arm strength wasn’t back yet, but I didn’t think that it was ‘oops, back on the DL ’til September’ bad.

–What happened to the Cat Bats? They managed only 12 hits this weekend, as opposed to the 25 hits put up by the Pirates. I mean, I hate to say it, but… these are the Pirates. If we can’t hit against the Pirates, how can we hope to hit against, oh, say, ANYBODY ELSE IN THE GAME OF BASEBALL?

(OK, so the Pirates don’t actually have a team ERA or team WHIP that’s all that bad. Still. It’s the principle of the matter.)

–Gerald Laird’s nickname is “G-Money”. When fans call him that, he crows about it to his teammates, according to Rod and Mario. This is the image I have in my mind:

Eeeeeeyyyyyyy

–The Boston Globe today had a thing in the sports section about who will be this year’s inductee to the Mascot Hall of Fame. I can’t find the article online, but it was basically a little picture of each baseball mascot under consideration, with its name, year of ‘birth’, and a little one-line blurb of whatever the writer had found interesting/weird about it. Paws was on there, and his blurb was something about how he looked a suspicious lot like former Tiger (mostly former Met) Rusty Staub, who had Paws-colored hair and a generally Paws-face-shaped mug.

Hmmm.

3 responses to “Tigers go old school with a little too much dedication

  1. I don’t understand why I keep hearing the trade rumors of the tigers looking at this outfielder or that outfielder. They have outfielders coming out their ears! IMHO they seriously need to trade for a decent starter. If they had 4 solid rotation spots and let Arrrmando/Zach/Nate fight it out for number 5 spot I think they would be in ok shape to make the playoffs. I don’t think they can do it with only 3 good starters.

  2. Time to move Zach back into the rotation.
    Time to for Leyland to have an explosion in the clubhouse if we have another game of not hitting against the Carninals.
    And time to admit Bondo has once again joined the ranks of the living dead…

  3. Samara Pearlstein

    Phil, for sure, pitcher is definitely a need over outfielder– the outfield may not be full of spectacularness and sparklers at the moment, but the rotation is currently Verlander, Jackson, Porcello, Auuuguuhhhasdlfkjasdlfjas;dlfkj, which is, as you note, clearly the larger issue.
    Paul, I have to imagine that Miner is coming sooner rather than later. If nothing else it would at least be a novel way to lose. And we haven’t had a (public) Leyland explosion in a while, I guess because everyone has been puttin’ on their Effort Pants, just to no ultimate effect.

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