tigannukiah by Samara Pearlstein
Tigannukah… that doesn’t really work, does it? Oh well. Anyways, all I want for Chanukah is Curtis Granderson back again. Sadface.
JJ Putz won’t be one of our presents either, as he’s been signed by the Wrong Sox. What is up with them getting their grubby mitts all over Wolverines? DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN ALL THE GOOD THINGS IN THE WORLD, WRONG SOX? And they’re saying that the Cane Toad will still be the closer, so Putz will be a set-up guy… this is just unnecessarily harsh. It’s like they’re purposefully taunting us.
‘Cause, you know, right now our closer is the Ghost of Joel Zumaya’s Good Health. Fantastic! I’m sure that will go really well and will totally not end in tears.
As for the rotation… Phil Coke for fourth/fifth starter? He is a lefty, which is a point in his favor, and he’s breathing, which is really the only hard and fast qualifier for the Detroit rotation these days. The Yankees didn’t seem to view him as a starter (the last time he started was back in double-A), but maybe all he needs is a little tender loving encouragement?
“I want the ball no matter what,” said Coke, 27. “I don’t mind the title that I have. I may be labeled as a reliever, but I’m just as capable as a starter. If you want me to go nine innings, cool, no problem.”
John Lowe, Detroit Free Press
Well, Cokes m’boy, the difference between starting and relieving involves a BIT more than a mere title. This isn’t one of those rose, scent, equivalent sweetness kinds of situations. But sure, your confidence is adorable and appreciated, so we’ll just pat you on the head for now and send you along to work on stretching yourself out for the season. Seriously. If we’re going this route, start those workouts NOW.
Contest entries will be accepted up ’til midnight tonight! The post announcing winners and whatnot should be up at some point tomorrow. Vast excitement.