I do not understand you, Tigers


photo by Samara Pearlstein

I just. What?

I mean, I guess I don’t object to Jose Valverde as such. His numbers have been good, even if they’ve all been acquired in the National League; he can legitimately close games, which is more than could be said for, oh, any other Tiger on the roster; and his nickname is apparently ‘Papa Grande’. These are all very positive things.

But the Tigers signed him to a two-year, $14 million contract, with a $9 million option for a third year. They also give up their first round draft pick, which is, well, wow, ok. We really want to go there? We really went there? Really? Really really?

I just….

How does this team claim to be so hell-bent on saving money, and cutting costs, and then toss out a contract like this to a reliever over 30 who has never played for an AL team, and, like, $1 million to Brad Thomas, which I am still not over. How… how does this make sense? How can the Tigers get rid of Curtis Granderson and then… I mean, I can’t even. What is going on? Why is this? Where is cat? Who is base ball?

At least the Tigers have shown that they do not intend to enter 2010 with unrealistic (or perhaps any) solid hopes when it comes to Joel Zumaya. That’s a comfort. I suppose we should cling to that small indication of organizational sanity.

Mike Rabelo is also back with the team now. That’s something. I’m not sure WHAT it is, precisely, but it’s definitely a thing.

More pitchers with superpowers at some point. There will certainly be at least one more, to round out this parody of a rotation, and then I suppose I’ll just keep doing them until either I get bored, or you all rise up in arms against the madness.

ETA: Much more important news! Matt of Take 75 North has finally occupied his new internetly home. He may now be found at www.t75n.com. Update your bookmarks and suchlike appropriately.

14 responses to “I do not understand you, Tigers

  1. ivantopumpyouup

    I’m not opposed to Valverde. And Papa Grande is the best nickname on the team, IMO.

    I’ve kind of given up trying to figure out what their ‘plan’ is though.

  2. Unless their plan is to confuse and vex bloggers, yeah, I got nothin’. But if their overall plan IS simply to confuse and vex bloggers, well done, FO, you’ve done some masterful work so far this winter.

  3. Dave Dombrowski obviously is some kind of double agent for another team. Either him or Mr. Ilitch. Perhaps both.

  4. Ugh. I’m not very optimistic about all of this. Yes, I liked Rabelo before, and it’ll be good to have him as 3rd string C I guess. This singing… was ist Die FUDGE?! $14M for two years — and this guy is prolly as good as Rodney was (x2 ugh). I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle this coming season.

  5. While I also think that Valverde is a good addition, on balance I do not see the benefit in losing a first round pick when we could have kept Fernando for less money. While I recognize that he possessed a terror- inducing quality, Fernando was pretty good last year.

  6. Valverde’s superpower is invisibility because I sure didn’t see this coming.

  7. I think they should have him enter games to Weird Al’s “Taco Grande” (which is, itself a parody of “Rico Suave”). I’m sure that, for 1/100 of Papa Grande’s salary, Weird Al would gladly perform several takes of the term “Papa” to be dubbed in.

    Johnny Damon… I’m mystified. Unless he’s going to sign for less than Granderson was due in 2010 ($5.5 million), I just don’t get it. So, we will have traded away Jackson for Scherzer (let’s call that a wash) and Granderson for… Damon-now-and-Austin-Jackson-later??? Or something like that? WTF? Oh, and Schlereth, who is a guy with closer potential… To be a closer, who we won’t need for at least another 2 years. Confusion reigns.

  8. Thanks for the linkage, Samara. I wish I could have broken back onto the internet to talk about the Tigers’ shining brilliance rather than their goofy dunderheadedness.

    But hey, no Minneapolis columnists going to make fun of me in six months if I say the Tigers are smart.

  9. How does this team claim to be so hell-bent on saving money, and cutting costs, and then toss out a contract like this

    Well, but actually, the team never actually said that it was hell-bent on saving money and cutting costs. It just looked that way to everyone else. All the team said was that it didn’t have a lot of extra money this offseason, but that it wasn’t having a fire sale.

    I think that after the season ended (and how it ended) the team recognized that running essentially the same bunch of guys out there in 2010 wasn’t likely to lead to a better result. I think that the team saw E. Jackson and Granderson as flawed players who were nevertheless tradeable, and therefore the best chance for changing the makeup of the team. I think the plan is to contend in 2010, that they bought Valverde to contend, and that we will accordingly see at least one more major move before the season starts, for another hitter.

    Or, maybe I’m delusional.

  10. David O. (13194013)

    DD had an impulse buy moment when he saw a reliever at the checkout stand.

  11. Unfortunately, he didn’t save his receipt so he can’t take his impulse buy back tomorrow after he waits until morning, looks at his purchase, and thinks “what the heck was in my head yesterday? I’m returning that overpriced thing and getting my money back!”

  12. Well, Dombrowski has not been good at saving his receipts before… He purchased a Jarrod Washburn for a Luke French and change, and never bothered to get his left-handed pitcher back in that case, and that was a case of Washburn being unquestionably damaged goods.

  13. ivantopumpyouup

    //Well, but actually, the team never actually said that it was hell-bent on saving money and cutting costs. It just looked that way to everyone else.//

    I agree, Rea.

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