Gerald Laird story just keeps getting better (read: worse)


photo by Samara Pearlstein

So, the Australian Open is over (I know, I know, shut up), the Winter X Games are over (I know, I know, shut up); now I can turn my attention to the very important story of WHAT IN THE HELL, GERALD LAIRD, WHAT IS THIS. The original story, in case you’ve somehow blessedly forgotten the embarrassment and wtf-ery of it all, is over here. This weekend, we learned what prompted the fight: Gerald Laird’s grandpa feeling up the wife of one of the Celtics.

For once I am not even kidding.

Police listed Charlsie House – wife of Celtics forward Eddie House, a former star with the Suns and ASU – as an investigative lead in the case, according to the report.

Authorities said House quickly left the arena’s Verve Energy Lounge after accusing the Lairds’ 70-year-old grandfather, who was never cited, of touching her inappropriately.

House said she “did not want any prosecution” and was “reluctant to give any of her information” to officers, according to the report. A bartender told police House claimed she was being harassed prior to the fight.
Michael Ferraresi, Detroit Free Press

Are. You. Serious? Yes. Yes, apparently we are.

1) “Verve Energy Lounge”
2) Gerald Laird’s grandpa feeling up Eddie House’s wife
3) fight
4) brain explodes

The catcher said he felt he was in danger and just trying to “watch the game and have some fun,” according to his statements to police. He also told police the fight involved “some lady inside that was bragging about her husband playing for the Celtics.”

“I don’t know, I didn’t try to hurt anyone or strike anyone,” Laird told one officer. “The next thing I knew, I was in handcuffs.”
Michael Ferraresi, Detroit Free Press

I don’t even know what to do with this story. At this point I am basically just staring mutely at the reports, making AWAY, AWAY WITH THEE gestures with my hands. I feel gross blogging about it, but at the same time, how can I not? Gerald Laird, I blame you for all of these bad feelings. Grandpa Laird, FOR SHAME.

This entire offseason has been like one long public service announcement about the evils of alcohol. Which is all well and good, but I wish it hadn’t come at the expense of various Tigers. DON’T DRINK TO EXCESS, KIDS AND KITTENS, FRIENDS AND FELINES. It never ends well.

15 responses to “Gerald Laird story just keeps getting better (read: worse)

  1. Part of me wants to join in: “Bad Grandpa Laird! BAD GRAMPS!” And part of me is like, “Well, I hope I’m still that frisky at his age… And have a couple of grandkids capable of keeping me from being beaten to a pulp.” Holy cats, but this is weird. You literally couldn’t make this stuff up.

  2. Off season morals–don’t drink with White Sox or Celtics.

  3. Frisky is one thing… harassing ladies in the bar is another. Paws knows what sort of exchange prompted the whole thing, but whatever it was I can’t imagine an appropriate response was groping.

    Friends don’t let friends party irresponsibly and/or with Wrong Sox!

  4. paws knows the sexual harrassment panda… and when to keep his kitten-loving paws off

  5. “This entire offseason has been like one long public service announcement about the evils of alcohol. ” Or the alternative ending “Don’t let grandpa near the women.”
    I am curious to see how G-Money’s role in this plays out. So far I don’t see anything special, except the arrest, that shows a problem for him. Grandpa needs to be on a leash, but that’s another story.
    Hey, if the Tigers can’t win at least they can entertain!

  6. Am sorry Samara, but is this all we have to blog about this off season. Can not wait for spring ! Let’s just play baseball! GO TIGERS!

  7. I was thinking “What in the world?!” when I saw the article revealing what the fight was about in the paper. I can’t wait for the season to start, so everyone can move on in a positive manner.

  8. So Grampa Laird is truly a dirty old man.

    There are ways to deal with that – the young lady should have brought her knee firmly up into hid groin region, and he would have kept his wandering hands to himself!

  9. Do we need to start sending Paws out with team members as a chaperone in their after-hours time? Jeez. (And part of me is saying we didn’t have these kinds of problems when Curtis Granderson was on the team. Because, as we all know, Curtis Granderson is perfect.)

  10. Truth is stranger than fiction, indeed. O_o

  11. murrajo, iirc he doesn’t have a court date set yet… obviously if that conflicts with Spring Training, it’ll have at least some impact. It does sound like he was rather heavily intoxicated, which could turn into an issue… behold Miggy. Hopefully it was an isolated incident, though…

    heitk1le, ha ha, I want to believe that Curtis prevented all these sorts of shenanigans… but Miggy’s issues were from last season. I’m willing to bet that Curtis gave him stern, disappointed looks at the ballpark the next day tho, and that more than anything else made Miggy know true shame.

  12. None of ur business

    To article writer: Bro you need to get your facts straight because you got the wrong grandpa its not Grandpa Laird!!!! Grandpa Laird isn’t the dirty one!! Theres more than one grandpa dumb shit!! Shame on you for writing false information!!!!!!!

    • ‘Grandpa Laird’ in this case does not mean ‘dude with the last name Laird’, it means ‘Gerald Laird’s grandfather’.

      This post was nearly a year old before you commented on it, so I can only imagine you were googling for the story. Almost no one will read this comment except for me (because I get notifications), so you are basically screaming into the void. Calm down.

      And bro you need to get your facts straight because this blog is not written by a bro. Shame on you for writing false information.

  13. Pingback: Watch the game and have some fun

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