Brandon Inge: too annoying to heal slowly. Miguel Cabrera: dry.

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

When I say ‘annoying’, I say it fondly. Just for the record.

As dedicated Brandon Inge fans (and that should be all of you, of course) already know, everyone’s favorite tiny third baseman had his knees sliced up this past November. He’s on the tail end of his recovery right now, and is supposed to be taking it slow in Lakeland. No real playing the field. No dives or sharp turns. All things gentle and kind to the patellar region.

Of course, this IS Brandon Inge we’re talking about…

Not long after Brandon Inge underwent surgery on his knees last fall, he asked the doctor what the record was for the fastest rehab back from that kind of procedure.

“He said, ‘Knock it off, I know what you’re trying to do,'” Inge said. “I was going to prove him wrong.”
Jason Beck/

Brandon Inge does not like sitting around when he could be playing baseball, because when he’s not actually out there playing, he has to do things like THINK and FORM/RECALL MEMORIES and USE THE BRAIN BITS, and Brandon Inge hates that stuff. Hey, he knows what his weaknesses and strengths are, and he knows how to play to the latter. That’s a useful skill!

Haters to first base.

“I can tell you he’s not going to play every game, but he said he goes bananas when he doesn’t play, and he does,” manager Jim Leyland said. “He’s one of those guys that you’d rather play, because you don’t want him around here when he doesn’t play. He’s a pain in the butt when he doesn’t play.”
Jason Beck/

He is still not playing the field, but he might be getting into some of these early games at DH, because his hitting has been coming along much more quickly than anyone had expected (with the exception of Brandon Inge himself). There has also been some mild noise out of ST about how much better his mechanics at the plate look now that he’s hitting without excruciating knee pain, but of course it’s early, not a real game, no real pressure, the usual.

The Detroit News’ Tom Gage sez: “On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the most, the amount I’m surprised that Brandon Inge is ahead of schedule in his recovery from his knee surgeries is negative four.”

Agreed. Now, I do worry a LITTLE bit about Inge’s crazed, unyielding Need to Play, and how that might– MIGHT– cause him to come back too early and screw up his rehab in some small but at some point down the season’s line horribly significant way. And everyone will just let it happen, because we all kind of expect him to be ahead of schedule anyways. Just had to throw that little slice of RotT paranoia in there, lest you think I’m slipping.

In other news, Miguel Cabrera says that he’s sworn off all alcohol, and was never an alcoholic.

“You guys write in the paper ‘alcoholic,’ that’s not right,” Cabrera said. “I don’t know how to explain, but it’s not an alcohol problem.”
Steve Kornacki/

Miggy, babe, it may not have been alcoholism, but it clearly WAS ‘an alcohol problem’. There was a problem, alcohol was a major factor. Actually there were a number of problems: drunk as hell the night before/day of a huge game, staying out ’til 5 am the night/early morning before a huge game, drunken altercation with Mrs. Cabrera, thinking it’s OK to pal around with Wrong Sox, and so on. So, whatever, a rose by any other name, etc.

If he really can stay away from the booze this year, it’ll be a good thing all ’round. He doesn’t need any distractions on the field, he doesn’t need legal issues off the field, he needs to make nice with his wife. He needs to understand the inherent evil of the Wrong Sox. His resolve now sounds good; let’s hope it sticks.


15 responses to “Brandon Inge: too annoying to heal slowly. Miguel Cabrera: dry.

  1. If I were ill I would want to be cared for by Paws.

  2. b-inge is a wonderful wonderful man. i cant wait to have him back at 3rd.
    fred-fred home opener?! i cant wait!

  3. If Inge can hit like he did in the first half of 2009, that will be a nice surprise!

  4. Was there another incident where Cabrera was driving drunk? I thought there were some efforts made to make it clear he didn’t do any driving the night he got lit with the White Sox players.

  5. Oh, Brandon… Sometimes I wonder if he’s my favorite ballplayers because of his mad fielding skills, or if it’s because he’s always coming up with silly quotes for the media. Actually, it’s probably a bit of both.

    And, yeah, if he can hit like it’s 2009, minus the knee problems, I think he’s going to have a very good year.

  6. Matt, I thought that was how he got home from the bar? Eh, I’ll take it out unless I find something definitive one way or the other– the rest of it’s bad enough anyways.

    As for Inge, yes, I think we’re all hoping for first-half-09-Brandon to make a return. We know he CAN hit, it’s just a matter of him being able to stick with it for a whole year. Maybe (hopefully) being healthy will make that possible, and our Brandon Inge Gold Glove dreams will finally come trrrruuuuue!

  7. MSU proud SoCal warm

    There were two “incidents” with Miggy that made news. They both invovled the bar at that hotel, which I don’t know the name of. The first was minor confrontation with another drunk, and the second was well written about. He did not drive either time. He used cabs – which was about the smartest thing he did that night. I do understand what he means when he claims not to be an alcoholic though. Because alcohol was not his problem. It was his medication. What we have to hope is that he has addressed his problems in a better manner( and just leaves the alcohol to those of us not in the public eye ;). Which it looks like he is trying to do.

  8. It’s the Townshend Hotel, iirc. Which is really only relevant for the fact that the Wrong Sox stay there, so it’s a little more irksome for Tigers fans than if he’d been drinking at some random hotel bar. :P

    What medication was he on at that point? In any event, if you’re drinking while on medication, that’s an alcohol problem too, you know?

    But yes, here’s hoping that, looking forward, we never have to have these conversations about Tigers again. Miggy, GERALD, I’m lookin’ at all of you cats.

  9. I read SoCal’s comment to mean he was self-medicating with alcohol in lieu of getting professional help? I kind of tuned the whole story out immediately as just another idiot jock doing idiot stuff that makes me wonder why I’ve been a fan for thirty years.

  10. For the love of the game, Emil, for the love of the game. ;)

  11. ivantopumpyouup

    //The first was minor confrontation with another drunk//

    Is that true? It was reported (in one of the papers I think, but I don’t remember which one) that he insulted an overweight kid or something? And then challenged another person to a fight?

  12. According to this (which is quoting the Detroit News), it was a pudgy 15 year old. Well done, Miguel. :/

  13. ivantopumpyouup

    Hello, Kettle? It’s Pot here. I got something to tell you . . .

  14. ivantopumpyouup

    Also there’s something inherently hilarious about Miguel Cabrera insulting a pudgy teen.

  15. Maybe that’s why he’s all “IMMA LOSE WEIGHT THIS SPRING” now? He’s been projecting his insecurities all over the place, and has decided the only way to stop the madness is to diet his huggability away. LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF AS YOU ARE, MIGUEL, IT IS THE ONLY PATH TO TRUE HAPPINESS!

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